in between a bit of stress and anxious dreaming, i am feeling so joyous these days. i just can’t help myself! maybe it’s the increase in activity (cardio + weight training) or the change in diet (think antioxidants and veggies) or my new + improved schedule (work hours and play hours)? whatever it is, it’s nice not having to try so hard. do you know what i mean? sometimes being happy is effortless and sometimes it’s work. lately, it’s been effortless, and for this i am very, very grateful. i am feeling the springing of friendship, love, inspiration, and wellness. and i’m loving the work (including building a new website. omg!) and planning new adventures.
just as many of you suggested i do, i’m learning to turn all of this alone time (while john is gone) into a space and place for growth. for the first time in a very long time, i feel a sense of newfound commitment when it comes to my day-to-day life. instead of haphazardly riding the wave of all of this without any real control (which = a ton of fun, but no structure which = little stability), i at least feel like i’m playing more of an active role in my everyday routine. this means i’m working out. going to physical therapy. taking breaks. reading books. eating well. watching my favorite tv shows (lost, american idol, what not to wear), writing letters, making art. it’s a total commitment to balance in a very real life way. some days are better than others, but i’m loving the habit of it now.
i know i’ve talked a lot about this. for me, my entire adult life was structured around a 9-5 dayjob until very recently. not having a job to center my routine around has been utterly confusing for me, and so i’ve struggled. but i think i’m getting it down. i’m fully sinking into this life where i can make my own hours and not feel guilty for sleeping in. finally, finally (!), i getting used to it and l.o.v.i.n.g. it, i must say.