new digs

Somehow, when we no longer feel in control, we become available to deeper aliveness. – Richard Moss

it feels like i’ve barely written here lately, partly because life has been so full of traveling, resting, working, but also because i just haven’t felt like writing. lately, life for me doesn’t seem to have much balance, something i really value and trust. the last few weeks i’ve either been working, packing, traveling, unpacking, recuperating, working, strategizing, and i’m a bit frazzled! and not to mention there hasn’t been any time for artmaking – no wonder i feel unbalanced. for me, these last several months have been a journey of letting go, of some control, i suppose, while discovering and growing my art and my Self. i’ve let things go that would have bothered me before. the details and small stuff of life seem to come and go with little notice or friction at all. but lately, the details of moving, leaving, transitioning seem to have catapulted me back into a shallow rut – so much to take care of. the aliveness has softened it’s bright touch.

i teared up today when we received the good news that we were approved for the apartment we LOVED in lake merritt/oakland. it seems like transition times are endless. there’s the anticipation, the waiting, the planning, the searching. then the actual moving, finding a job, then settling into some sort of routine. the entire process is months in the making. i need to learn how to keep myself all together during all of that. it will come. it will come.

john and i spent the last 4 days in San Francisco. we stayed at a funky little hostel/hotel gig in downtown SF, then spent the days over in the East Bay scouting apartments. it was early mornings and late, noisy nites in our rustic little room surrounded by windows and traffic below. it was driving all over SF, berkeley, rockridge, piedmont, lakeshore, lake merritt. it was looking at a million apartments, all surprisingly cute and in our price range. it was showing up super early for showings and handing out our little creative housing resume we put together to any property management company that would take it. it was walking, and more walking. it was me driving and john navigating and not ever really getting lost. it was getting seriously sunburned from just hanging around. it was exploring the city and the east bay, getting familiar with what will be our new home. it was being awstruck at the beauty of the area. the views. wow.

and i must say, we loved it. we loved the saturday farmer’s market just down the road from our future apt – i swear i’ve never seen strawberries larger than the ones they had at this place. we loved the huge lake just outside our soon-to-be front door, complete with 3+ walking/running path around it. we love that Whole Foods will be arriving just around our corner in the Fall. we loved the old Grand Theatre, just walking distance from our new apt. we loved the hundreds of geese and ducks and birds that live in the lake and surrounding park refuge. we loved all of the cafes/shops in our little neighborhood. and that Peet’s, our favorite tea/coffee house, is just a few blocks away. we loved the weather. the ethnic restaurants everywhere, not to mention a land of diversity, something portland lacks. the old homes, the charm, the people out and about. i think we’ll call it home soon enough.

and let me just say that we found a GREAT apartment. think 1920’s charm with hardwoods, bay windows, spacious – complete with a hammock and bbq in the back. and awesome location. walking distance to the BART/cafes/shops/market. and on the lake!

so yes, the deeper feeling of aliveness will come back. i know where it resides. it’s in my heart.

a view from Sausalito
a view from a short hike along the Pacific
Windy. Windy. Windy.