About six years ago I had my first session with an intuitive energy healer named Mandy here in Portland. I was a bit desperate at that time, struggling from pretty significant emotional birth trauma and suffering through symptoms of PTSD as a result. Despite having gone to my doctor, starting medication, and having a ton of support, I continued to suffer greatly from the events that happened during the birth. At about nine months post partum, a friend of mine suggested I go see Mandy. Not only did I go, but it remains one of the most significant healing events of my life, and I’m incredibly grateful for the experience.
That was six years ago.
I continue to go see Mandy about 3-4 times per year, not for continued birth trauma healing, but for anything that I may need help with when it comes to anything that needs energetic clearing, adjusting, or realigning. I typically just show up, lie on her warm cozy massage-like table, and then she gets to work with her intuition and helps guide and direct the conversation about which energies I’m carrying in my body that need healing. And then she does her thing, working to clear, heal, and adjust anything that is showing up. Often there are pivotal moments for me, ahas, tears, release. It’s sort of like therapy, but energy therapy mixed with a little bit of talk therapy. Sometimes our sessions have to do with boundaries. Sometimes they have to do with opening up my heart. Sometimes it has to do with long held stories that have stored somewhere in my body that need released. I don’t know the ins and outs of how it all works. I just know that it’s a kind of medicine that my heart and body responds to and it works for me. I consider it a part of my soul care routine. Like a check-up I’d have with my doctor, but for my soul.
I went to see Mandy a couple of weeks ago as part of my quarterly soul care check-up routine and had the most powerful vision while lying there on her table. I am not someone who has powerful meditations or visions, but this was most certainly a combo of both. It changed everything for me.
I had this vision that there was a large fire building in my chest cavity. I had an instant knowing that it represented the part of myself that is often activated: the part that is inspired, making, creating, producing, working. It’s also the part of myself that is often on high alert, protective, gritty, scrappy, independent and ready to defend. As soon as I acknowledged this knowing of what the fire represented, it immediately calmed down. And then another instant knowing came to me, and it was this: This fire that you’ve been keeping flamed has been of great service to you, but it’s time to calm it down. As soon as I acknowledged this second knowing, the fire calmed down into a manageable flame that started slooooowly traveling through the landscape of my entire body – my arms, fingers, torso, legs, feet, toes, everywhere. And then the third knowing arrived: it’s time for you to do a controlled fire of your life, like how foresters and farmers do when it’s time to let go of old growth – sometimes to prevent bigger fires and sometimes to introduce the old growth’s nitrogen and other nutrients into the soil for stronger NEW growth. The knowing that I received was that this controlled fire concept is a vital part of nature’s ecology and it’s also a part of our soul’s ecology/vibrance. As soon as I acknowledged this third knowing, something pretty amazing happened. As the calm fire was slowly traveling through my body, it deliberately and consciously burned down all the things that I’ve grown or held onto throughout the years that I no longer needed. They were things that I’ve achieved, created, fought for, or protected myself from. They were old stories that no longer rang true. And seemingly simple things too, like rules I’ve set up for myself, schedules, and more.
As the fire continued to deliberately burn it all down, I received the fourth knowing and in an instant I felt a tremendous amount of relief, release, and peace. The knowing was this: I no longer needed to work to prove anything, that my worthiness didn’t live inside any of the things I’ve grown and that I must be willing to let it all burn in order to have renewal. Because nature’s ecology is again like the soul’s: After the fire, comes new growth, but not just any growth. It’s a stronger growth that has absorbed all the wisdom and vitality of what came before it. The ash. The nutrients. The hard-earned lessons. The JOY. It all goes back into the soil for a healthier harvest. A healthier growth. A healthier renewal. The soul’s renewal. And like all the other knowings that arrived with this vision, as soon as I acknowledged it, the vision deepened. As this controlled, deliberate, conscious fire moved throughout the landscape of my body, destroying what no longer served me, I noticed that instead of leaving devastation and debris in it’s wake, it left gorgeous, clear, crystals that were lit up and glowing. Eventually, my entire body was covered in glowing crystals and the fire that had left it all in its wake had landed back in my chest where it all started, and it too turned into a giant lit up crystal, like a Himalayan salt lamps. And then I got the mother knowing: You are made of light. When you do and create and live too much without occasionally doing your own controlled fire, you cannot see the light. It’s like a super dense forest where the light never reaches the ground, but it’s a forest you’ve created. The knowing continued: It’s important to weed out the landscape of your life, to understand that your light that lives in your chest is your home, not the things that you’ve created and grown in your forest. You must burn it all down every once in a while, return to that home space, see the light, feel the light, and begin a season of new growth, born from that bright light that lives in your chest. All of this will bring a sense of renewal that will bring the gifts of clarity and vitality that you long for.
WOW.
This entire vision lasted about two minutes and the knowings came fast and strong. I will never, ever forget it. I know theses knowings came from Spirit and that my session with Mandy was a portal for me to access the messages. I am grateful.
And so my word for 2017 is Renewal.
I have already started the controlled burn of my life, and you will hear the stories as I move along here in the blog. For now, I just wanted to share this powerful vision with you as I know it’s one that serves all of us.
If you were to do a vision of a controlled fire of the landscape of your life, what would your highest self burn? What does she know needs to go in order for new growth? What has she created that was gorgeous and steady, but is now ready to be harvested in order for a new harvest to come in? What relationships are taking up too much space in the forest that block all the light? What wise old oak trees need to stay?
I have a feeling I’ll be working with this metaphor all throughout 2017. And my hope is that by the end of the year I’ll have a new forest with fresh growth that honors all that came before it, because if there’s anything I’ve learned in my 40ish years it’s that nothing is wasted and everything shapes us. That, and I’m ready for renewal in 2017.
Big love,
Love the art and inspiration. We need daily infusion of lovely art and words to bolster strength for the day.
Thank you, Kelly Rae, for all that you share with us because it does speak to so many of us. Some get those visions, and some get the words that jump out from the page when those experiences are shared. That’s what I felt when I read your experience. There are things in my life, my art/craft space and spare room that I need to clear and reorganize in order to live the way I dreamed. I’m not even talking about making a living from it, but simply “living” it. I retired 7 months ago from teaching, and I’m now free to do my first love, art. I spent years gathering for that “hope chest”, probably more than I needed. I also had years & years of emotions, insecurities, and failures for not fighting harder to follow the path I knew I belonged on. I have a psychologist, a wonderful lady, who has helped me in the last 3 or 4 years to finally find my own voice and to be where I am now. Part of that journey was also helped by finding your book and then your blog and classes. You’ve been one of my many blessings!! Thanks!
Wow, thank you so much for sharing this, Susan. Wishing all the best for your journey!
Kelly Rae, thank you for always sharing your heart, your message and your light. This made me think of the things I could let go of that no longer serve me. I love the idea of pruning my life like my garden for new growth. 🙂
I very much appreciate your willingness to share something so intense and personal. What a wonderful experience. I love your expression….’I got the mother knowing’…….and I have recently had a glimpse into my essential being, which is light, and want more.
I understand so much better the phrase ‘letting go’.
Here’s to a wonderful new moment, day, week, life.
Burn Baby Burn!!! You got this!
Thanks for sharing your vision and your dreams.
Wonderful!! That would make a wonderful active meditation too! Thank you!
Kelly Rae, Thank you. You inspire me by sharing your vision and your healing session. I do believe we are all energy and the light within us can heal and renew when we tap into it. I am working at being open and listening to spirit and am still seeking my word for 2017. I’m sure it will arrive in time. Peace & Light, Lindy
Thank You Kelly Rae! For sharing your vision that offers us an option to clear out and breathe in! You are light and BIG love! I so resonate with the energy you are encouraging us to opened to, allow in. I believe in the power of a collective Oneness that is awakening now more than ever before! Your creative expression and hope serves to fuel this renewal in me this moment. Thank You!
Fantastic blog for 2017.. New beginnings, New creative discoveries and new energies. I can’t wait to get started. Thank you for sharing your vision. I believe that many creatives will totally understand and share it with you. Stand back and then step forward. ?
This is a wonderful message for you – so profound. I have recently trained in Reiki and find that since I have become attuned to the energy, I have been noticing, sensing and feeling more as well as knowing that the signs are there and to allow them and keep going. I am excited to see where this renewal takes you. You are filled with light and you share that light with all who enter your life.
Thank you so much for sharing these intimate moments.
Tami xoxo
Hi Kelly,
Thank you so much for sharing this amazing experience. I look forward to hearing how your four knowings develop. My 2017 word is “RELEASE”. It’s time for me to release all my fears, insecurities and all the things that have limited and held me back from being the person GOD created me to be.
Wonderful enlightening insights, and soothing satisfaction for the soul.
It sounds like the most power packed few minutes one could ever hope for.
2017’s yield will likely leave you breathlessly awed.
All the best to you sweet Kelly Rae.
Thank you for sharing this, Kelly Rae. I seem to put myself last. This year I am going to commit to quarterly sessions with someone like Mandy, as well, dig out my drum that I made, start doing my creative rituals again, and connect to mySELF again. XO
What a gift. I want that.
Kelly Rae, you lift me up. What an amazing spirit journey – thank you for sharing in such detail, such a personal thing. Renewal sounds like the very best of words for 2017.
Mine are Play and Receive – I absolutely received the messages you shared here. Thank you, thank you, Thank You!
xoxo
Jamie
Thank you, Kelly Rae, for sharing your Light! I am always inspired by you, your work, your writing…this one had a particularly profound impact on me. “You must burn it all down every once in a while, return to that home space,….” This has helped me reframe what I thought were past failures, and in doing so, open up to new possibilities. Thank you.
I recently experienced something similar. I did extensive work last year on PTSD related to childhood trauma and worked through many changes in my life. I was thrilled. And then…a couple months ago, I felt a significant shift happen. I compare it to placing my “everything” into a flour sifter. A softer, gentler “everything” emerged. I am using this new “everything” to create and “bake” softer, tastier, richer, and more tender things in and through my life. It felt like what I learned and was awakened through my year of hard work was used by Spirit for my transformation….my own slow fire.
This is a beautiful soul expression, thank you for sharing your process.
Thank you for being so transparent and sharing some of the most sacred mements in your life with us all.
Something to ponder are Jesus’ words when he said ” I am the light of the world” …..
We have the same word <3. What preceded for me was not so much the need for a deliberate, controlled burn, but that 2016 WAS the fire. So much happened in my life and I am certainly pulling the joy and groundedness, which also occurred, through into the present moment. I could do with taking time to listen to what the forest, in whatever state is currently is in, has to say to me. Thanks for this guidance. xo
Wow, just wow! You continue to inspire me and speak to my soul.