the universe is speaking clearly to me this week. messages are everywhere: go on a hike and breathe in the world (it’s been awhile). let it (the pressure) go. go and have some much needed fun with your girlfriends. and don’t take your laptop to nyc. in between the spaces of a life filled with friction lately, a constant pushing and pulling, is me. another growth spurt. as jen so eloquently wrote earlier this week, not all growth happens in hard times. good, happy, bliss-filled times are just as valuable at expanding our hearts with new thoughts, new aha moments, new direction. that is a place i’m much more accustomed to. all of this recent stuff is wearing on my heart. and i suppose it will until i understand what it is i’m learning. i’ll get there. in many ways, i’m already there…i have learned so much in the last 48 hours.
i lost an entire chapter yesterday. gone. my mistake, but still, an entire chapter, one that i struggled most of the way through, and one that had me doing a proud happy dance when i finished it. i won’t go into details of how i lost it, but the point is is that after i had a complete panic attack over losing it, i sat with this knowing: the words i struggled over, edited a million times, were simply not meant to be. i will rewrite it, and it will be better. the universe, the writing gods, must want a different version. maybe i’m not supposed to struggle through it. maybe it should come easier to me, more fun, this new version. the ironic part of all of this is that the chapter was about facing our fears when it comes to living the creative life. ha, my biggest fear, losing an entire chapter to my own mistake, came true. it happened. there are worse things in life.
i am off to nyc where i will dance in the nourishment of hugs, and conversation, and cold weather. there will be tea and laughter and people watching. and people connecting. there will be soul renewal, good ol fun, and old friends walking arm in arm, talking spirit to spirit. there’s nothing better, is there?
much gratitude for all the joy and gifts that this space gives me..