The other day, I went to post an art print from my shop on Instagram (something I’ve done a thousand times). I scrolled through my work, looking for the one that felt right. Nothing did. Not a single piece. Not even my old favorites.
It startled me as I’ve been making and sharing art online for nearly twenty years. These pieces are part of my heart. And yet, in that moment, they all felt like a version of me that had packed her bags and moved on. You know that feeling of reading your old journals, where it all feels somewhat familiar, heartfelt, even beautiful, but it’s clearly an older version of yourself that you barely recognize? That’s what it felt like.
And that’s when I realized I’m not that version of myself anymore.
Somewhere along the way, the now version showed up. I don’t know the exact moment she arrived (last month? last week?), but here she is, quietly disrupting things with her new ideas and energy. She’s a little more carefree, lighter, less concerned about getting it all right. She just wants to show up for what feels true right now.
Honestly, a big part of me wanted to delete everything. Scrap the website. Archive all the art. Clean the slate.
But I know better. It’s just my creative spirit saying, Hey, something new is forming. Make room.
She’s dreaming up a new visual language (one that matches this season of becoming). And she’ll get there. She always does.
Meanwhile, I’m hanging out in this uncomfortable yet slightly exciting liminal space of a new creative identity that’s being birthed. The canvas is shifting. Things are messy. But I know this feeling, I remind myself. It’s not a problem. It’s a signal. A new season is stirring. TRUST.
And right now, my creative spirit just wants to play and paint carefree paintings (that look nothing like her older work) and build something new. I’m letting her, and I feel really good about giving her this gift.
I don’t yet know where it’s all heading. But I trust that it’s heading somewhere deeply satisfying.
Maybe you’re in an awkward phase too. In your creativity. Your life. Your identity.
If so, I hope you give yourself room to be in it (the confusion, the not-yet-knowing, the transition). Something is trying to find you.
It will.
And you’ll find your way, too.
I’m right here with you.
