Hi loves,
Has it been a year+ since I broke up with social media? It has! In some ways, it feels like it was just last week, and in other ways, it definitely feels like a year.
I wrote a little about why I broke up with social here and what it felt like 6 months into my break-up here. I thought I’d spill some thoughts about how I’m doing with this grand experiment now that it’s been a little over a year. Truthfully, I’ve been thinking about reigniting my relationship with Instagram, but more on that below 🙂
What I’ve enjoyed without social media
1. The practice of letting go. I do think it wise for me to walk away from a space that, for me, morphed from The Land of Inspiration to The Land of Never Being Able To Keep Up. It had begun to feel like a job for me, the kind that you dread. So when I broke up with it, it felt like I quit a job I really wanted/needed to quit. I am proud of that decision. And a year later, I still feel that sense of having one less job to do, and that feels good.
That said, having a nice super long break has gifted me with time to detangle the parts of myself that made social unFun. More on that below.
2. More quality downtime. Instead of the mindless scroll, or creating posts, I’ve savored the extra time. I’ve read more books, created more art, and have generally cleared out anything social media related from my psychic space. I just haven’t thought about it. It has been a long period of not feeling burdened by it. This has been wondrous!
3. More personal development. Taking a sabbatical from social inspired my taking time for my personal development, including investing in an art mentorship program that I wish I had done years ago. I have loved creating an entire new body of work without the impulse to share it on social. Additionally, I’ve learned so much about myself when it comes to protecting more of myself vs giving it all away, which I wrote more about here.
4. Less stimulation. The removal of constant feedback and intake of info/images has done wonders for my nervous system. I generally have a tremendous capacity for holding/managing lots and lots of balls in the air, but life was beginning to pile up on my heart and what was needed was restoration of my nervous system. Not having social during this last year has been soothing to my mind. Like a year-long bubble bath.
5. No comparisons. Without social, I have not had the opportunity to compare myself to other people on the Internet! Less triggers and less comparisons meant that I only had myself to look at. And let me tell you, that has been a good/hard/enlightening space for me to travel. Soul work. I think it’s so important to take a break from time to time from whatever is activating our triggers and ask the big questions of ourselves and shore up our self-compassion practices until we get clarity. Self-kindess for the win. Always.
Without the inevitable comparisons that social media can trigger, I’ve also noticed that making art has felt less cluttered with influences, too. It’s been really nice to not see other people’s work on a constant basis and simply focus on my own.
6. Deeper connection. Instead of catching up with a friend via their posts, I have to call them! Or text. It has forced me to be less lazy with my friendships, and more proactive with keeping connections alive. Creating weekly phone dates or art dates or walk dates has become more of an intentional practice for me. Have some of my friendships suffered? Yes. And that has been hard. More on that below.
What I’m missing being off social media
1. I miss my wider community. The other day I logged into my account (I’ve been experimenting with logging in and lurking around my feed to see how my body feels in response to being on the app) and the first post in my feed was from a Portland friend who has been battling cancer for about a year. I had no idea she was suffering and that made me sad. She is a friend who isn’t in my immediate circle, but certainly is a dear person in my wider community. Had I known she was hurting, I would have reached out and created a deeper connection. There have been many instances like this.
2. Missed connections. When I’m with hanging out with friends who are on social, inevitably somebody comes up in conversation and I have NO IDEA what’s happening with that person, but whoever is on social has a good pulse on how they’re doing. Oh, they just got this awesome grant. Oh, they just launched a new exciting course. Oh, she just had a solo show! This piece of being off social has not gotten easier for me. I miss knowing how life is unfolding for people I care about. I feel a little left out, and I often feel missed opportunities to connect.
I’m beginning to realize that social is how we as a species connect these days. This is where people are, not just “people” but my people. I’m the only person I know (except for ONE other person) who isn’t on social. If I want to know what’s happening with my friends and extended family on a regular basis, then social is where I would find out. It’s just the way it is. I haven’t been able to fully accept this piece, and that’s been hard.
3. My gratitude/writing practice. One thing I really miss about social is how it kept me noticing and capturing and then writing about the small gratitudes and wonders in my everyday life. That gorgeous bouquet of wild flowers. My outfit for my #wearyourjoy practice. My English bulldog snuggles. The way my paintbrushes look in the afternoon light. Without writing consistently for social, I’m noticing that my practice of noticing and capturing is slipping. I’ve also noticed that my writing voice is fainter than before. I thought I’d write more on my blog once I got off social, and I have, but not as much as I thought I would.
4. Inspiration finding. When I got off social last year, I was in the midst of some heavy lifting in my life. I was opening a retail store and building that brand in the midst of a Pandemic. Our kiddo was in/out of homeschooling and in-person half-day school pods due to Covid fallout. Simply put, I was maxed and the last thing my body/nerves/heart needed was more info overload on social. These days, however, as life has simmered down, I’m noticing that I have much more bandwidth to take in information, but more specifically, inspiration. I’ve noticed that living in a tiny town provides so much peace and simplicity and visual spaciousness, and sometimes I crave a bit more visual language to respond to, to be inspired by. I miss that inspiration and nudge to create inspiration in my own life that social media gave me.
(New print! Available here.)
Final thoughts/Will I return to social?
I’m really glad I took the time to feel the full experience of being off. Like any breakup, I think it’s important we get to the part where we’re able to look at ourselves and what we brought to the relationship, its demise, what we could have done differently and so on. Perspective is golden clarity, yes?
Lately, with all of this perspective, I have been considering dipping back into Instagram. I’m gonna sit with for a couple of months, but I can see myself doing Insta differently than I did it before. We will see! Stay tuned 🙂
Meanwhile, tell me how your relationship with social media is going. Are you enjoying it? How have you kept the spark alive? Have you taken long breaks from it? Tell me all the things!
BIG LOVE!
Kelly Rae
Hi Kellie!
I pretty much do not ever go on the FB Feed which really helps with that addiction.
In regards to IG, definitely it’s more challenging to stay off the feed, and actually it’s impossible at this point. But I do limit my time on there and spend very little per day.
I like the community on FB; friends, clients, groups. I like the images on IG – inspirational.
One day I too would like to be off all social media, but that will have to wait until I’m living in the forest and cannot access any of it! Which will be soon.
Thank you for leading this experiment and for sharing it and YAY for blogging!
Artist, Oracle Deck Maker & Soul Reader,
Kathy Crabbe
http://kathycrabbe.com
I have to say you are an inspiration on many levels and especially when it comes to social media. I have only used social media for my “real friends” as well as artists. And it truly has benefited my life. Although, I really miss seeing your pretty face and little family. Xo
Hi Kelly Rae,
Your community misses you too! As others have said, moderation is the key. I find that Instagram works best for me when I only check it once a day, for perhaps 5 – 10 minutes. If I get hooked into checking too regularly, my anxiety levels go up and I start to feel on edge all the time. I haven’t left it for an extended period of time, I love seeing photos of family and friends and seeing what my favourite artists are up to.
Social media can be a source of inspiration, too, and during the pandemic I learnt how to paint with watercolours after being inspired by the art I saw on Instagram. It connects artists and helps us grow, I’ve learnt lots of new techniques on there by other artists more experienced than myself.
But again, if you get too hooked on social media, the bad can outweigh the good. While I miss seeing your inspirational posts and photos of the love heart shapes that you find from day to day, I understand stepping away from the screen has been beneficial for you. Still, if you decide to return, perhaps with some strict rules in place about how you use social media (parenting yourself, if you will) you’ll be welcomed with open arms.
Best wishes to you and your family for 2022!
Thank you, Sara, for your thoughts! I totally agree with you. Balancing the inspiration with getting hooked in – yes, yes. Thank you for taking the time to say hello!
I often wonder why we feel the need to take an all or nothing approach? Is it, that in itself it makes good online content!?
As in everything, moderation usually works best. Why not allow yourself weekdays on social media and weekends off? Or whatever combination works for you, but it would seem from reading this article, it would give you the space for your development alongside keeping up with your wider community.
THank you for your thoughts, Tara. It’s true that we often trick ourselves with the all or nothing thing 🙁
Hi Kelly Rae.
This speaks to me in so many ways. I recently took the decision to stop writing a weekly newsletter, to stop my retreats and workshops and take myself on a retreat, hoping it would bring clarity as to where I want to go next in my life, art and business.
And although I have not yet reached the level of clarity that allows for a clean decision, it has changed the way I approach social media. My Instagram feed has changed too and it simply copies to my facebook page.
I’m still a far cry from a decision, but wanted to say that you are the boss of you and changing anything is ONLY up to you!
Loved reading this and seeing you are doing well!
Take wonderful care.
Thanks, Miranda. I’m inspired that you are retreating yourself. SO valuable!!!
Hi Kelly Rae,
I left Instagram (the only social media I did) in February 2020, just before the first lockdown in the UK. I took the time out to experiment with my art in private. I retreated from the world during the lockdowns and actually benefitted from the enforced time out. I went on lots of walks and spent so much time with my partner (a teacher, who was furloughed) and our little girl. I’m also a homeschool mum, so had been trying to balance time for myself with time she needed. Now, with my partner home for months, we got to share parenting and teaching and it gave me precious time for myself.
I thought I was ready to rejoin Instagram just a couple of months ago, in October 2021. I felt I had reset myself enough and had all these ideas about how I would use my social media account. It hasn’t worked. After two months it has retriggered all the feelings I had before. It just isn’t in tune with who I am and it sucks the life out of me. I’m back to having doubts about my art, not enjoying the process and feeling the pressure to create to feed the monster that is Instagram. I’m all ready to leave again and can’t wait to be free once more.
Blessings for whatever you choose to do 🙏🏻
Thanks for sharing your story, VIcky. I so applaud you for dipping back in, and giving it another go only to realize you need to dip back out. I get that!
Hi!
I loved this post, I am in the uk and I feel this week so many of us are reaching our limits – I think this might be because we’ve been attempting the new “normal” now and are completely maxed out trying to do all the things we did before the pandemic but with additional complexities and unresolved anxieties. I wish I’d taken a year out to remove some of the stimulus – I think it’s what so many of us need, I have been toying with doing something pre Christmas and this is the nudge I needed so thanks! Love Clare
You are so right, Clare. So many of us are rejecting the amounts of stuff/work/etc that we carried pre-pandemic and are now not tolerating it as we head back to “normal” – I say we keep rejecting/resisting and paving our own paths of what feels good. Keep going. Inspired!
Hi Kelly Rae, I have to say how much I enjoyed this blog post. I have missed your smiling face and artwork on instagram this past year. However I am so glad you embraced your own needs, I truly admire that about you!
I have taken quite a few longish breaks from instagram as it can become so much pressure. I really enjoyed hearing your thoughts about your creativity becoming more your own again with this break.
I am currently also working with Annimieka and am so excited that you feel that you have grown even more with her encouragement. In fact, through following you, and seeing that you participated in her programme helped me make the decision to also jump in and hopefully accelerate my art practice and feel comfortable with my own style.
Anyway I truly look forward to reading more from you and when you are ready to share, the work you are now creating.
Love from Brisbane, Australia
Hi Liane,
So fun to hear you’re working with Annamieka. I had such a great time working with her and definitely feel like she helped me get un-stuck. Enjoy it!
Wondering about your retail experience. I would like to hear the pro’s/con’s, would you do it again, what did you learn…. how would you advise someone to open a shop…. etc.
I had plans to visit in Oregon as the shop looked delightful and my kind of shop where I could spend hours pouring over unique finds.
That’s a great Q, Debra. I think the biggest issue for me what how much time it took from my art business. If we had consistent staff to help run it, I would have kept it open for sure. It think it was more a timing issue with pandemic/staffing being our biggest concern. Tons of pros: creative endeavor, community building, relationships with makers, decent $, and more 🙂
I use Canva to post for me on Instagram. I create content in groups of 8 or 10 and then use their social media scheduling calendar to post for me each Monday for 8 to 10 weeks. You don’t even have to log on or read comments on Instagram if you post through their calendar. Instagram does help with my business and I’ve gained a lot of customers but it does get overwhelming and the calendar has worked for me to be able to still be present for my customers and followers but can still take a break. I also have started only looking at Instagram on a computer and do not log into it with my phone or have the app anymore.
Love hearing these thoughts and ideas. Thank you for sharing how it works for you. Looking at it on your computer is brilliant! Food for thought….thank you!
Thanks for the update. I understand fully the many plates in the air and having to keep them all going. In reality it is a slow killer if one cannot step away from all those felt responsibilities regarding family, work, etc. I am personally glad and enriched to read what you wrote. I carry the same issue only under different circumstances, yet longing to continue my art and wanting to do more with a biz. Instagram is okay. Good place for updates from other local others artist and friends, but phone call and letter handwriting capture the best response and incentive to be.
Thank you, Jan. I agree. Nothing beats a phone call and a heartfelt letter, right? A slow killer….hmmmm, yes indeed if not reined in. Here’s to the process of finding our way that most lights us up. I don’t believe in being beholden to anything that doesn’t do that : )
Hi Kelly Rae! I so understand the overload thing. What works for me is to take a week-long social media break from time to time (like right now!). And I’m thinking of leaving FB and only keeping IG.
Also, I’m all signed up for your retreat in the UK and LOVE that there will be no WIFI! When I found out, my soul was an even bigger YES. Your lovely book is how my whole artist journey started, and then my entrepreneur journey with Flying Lessons, so I’m looking forward to this next step! And of course I look forward to meeting you in person in beautiful Somerset, one of my favorite places in the world. Have a sweet weekend! Laly
We’re going to the UK together!!!!!!! I’m so very excited. It will be a time to sloooowww it all way back, no wifi, only beauty and restoration and inspiration! So glad you’re coming!
I resonate a lot with your relationship with IG and also understand why you may be dipping your toe in again, so to speak. I remember reading your ‘break up’ post and really admired you for it, so much so it made me really think about how I allowed social media to affect me daily. So now I post possibly once a week or fortnight (for business) and I really only use IG for messaging the overseas friendships that I have gratefully made via it. Creative inspiration is always Mother Nature for me and I enjoy Pinterest for it’s algorithm and inspiration. However, I would love to cancel FB altogether (this I find the most ‘toxic’) but it’s how I am currently connecting my business to my local area, but ultimately I will leave this platform for good. With this said I have come to respect social media for allowing me to connect with like-minded souls that would have been virtually impossible without, but also see how completely addictive and time consuming it is, and how I personally need to partake in it in a much healthier way. As always Kelly Rae, thank you for shining your bright light with us and your openness. xxx
Thanks for sharing, Sandy. I am with you on all that you have shared. I haven’t been on Pinterest much, but when I do, I love it much more for the visual inspiration, yet I missed the connections IG gave. Ah! It’s such a tricky tricky thing. I really appreciate your thoughts.
Hi. Miss you on insta-but truly there are more ads so therefore it requires even more scrolling to connect with the post of friends. I too have taken breaks…but, get sucked back in. Keep those newsletters coming!
Thank you, Lynn! I’m so glad you’re reading them. I love writing them :))
That’s a beautiful photo of your two dogs. Maybe reviving their Instagram would be a way to put a toe back in the water?
Well they sure are the center of our family’s world and we sure do love following other dogs on Insta!
This was so timely for me..I am seriously considering deactivating/deleting my social media for all of the reasons you gave for why you stopped. My relationship to it has been funky for awhile, and now that I am a liberated woman from the work grind, it feels even more essential to take a long break..I’ve already noticed a huge difference in my mind, body and spirit since slowing it down, and my creative practice has shifted and I’m painting more, which just didn’t happen..there are sooo many good folks that I have connected with on those platforms, and I’ve let those who I feel a special connection to know of my intentions so we can stay connected..but there is a huge need for me to let it go and explore the sides of me that I have long neglected..appreciate your thoughts on it!
Hi Ann. I’m rooting for you as you find your way. I can feel your clarity and shifts from here!
this is an awesome post. thank you for sharing your well-considered thoughts on this subject. much food for thought here.
Thanks, Alison!
I have checked your Instagram acct frequently for inspiration, hoping you were back on. I take social media breaks also, calming the mind and body. Hoping you return and stay safe with us creative souls💗
Thanks, Angela. Sounds like breaks have helped you too 🙂
I don’t have traditional social accounts. I have secret accounts on Facebook and Instagram without my last name so no one can look me up that I use for art groups and viewing/sharing art.
Brilliant!
I too had to change my relationship with social media dramatically over the last 2 years, purely out of self-preservation. Social media was, simply put, breaking my heart. I drastically changed who I followed, muted a tonne of people, and started seeking out and following accounts that soothed my central nervous system. I am still barely posting or sharing on stories. I loved that the ‘habit got out of my head. I loved that it felt like a retreat, without having to go anywhere. I have news in my life that I feel like sharing, but also don’t? Its a tricky, tricky thing. I’m a bit jealous of your year entirely off, and also recognize that its where the people are.
Loving the ways you have set boundaries with it. And you’re right, it’s tricky. Thank you for sharing. Your story helps me.
I can maintain a pretty healthy relationship with social media because, well, according to conventional wisdom, I’m “bad” at it. I’m inconsistent, I don’t really care all that much, and I post only when I feel like it (and then still feel like it 10 minutes later when I’ve got some photos cued up; sometimes I lose interest in the middle of posting). I have no schedule, no plan around it, no metrics. I used to sort of track things when I felt like I was “supposed to” as an art business person, but it only made me feel bad about my business acumen. (Plus, “art” and “business” are toxic bedfellows in so many ways anyway.)
I’m the same way about consuming IG — I look sometimes, but no longer ever first thing in the morning, in bed. My own morning routine of creating spaciousness has to come first. I’ve decided that if what’s happening “in there” on social media is super important, then it will spill “out here” or come across my radar if I need to know it.
I’ve been off it for over a year and am not planning to go back on it. I hear you about the friendships, but I remind myself that, while I can’t dip into a lot of other people’s lives without it, I am a much better and more present friend with the smaller circle of friends I “work” to stay in touch with. (This is how we had friendships for the many, many years that social media didn’t exist-fewer, but better friends.) I will admit that sometimes I feel hurt that some friends have abandoned me because it is no longer ‘easy’ to stay in touch. But were they ever really friends then? And if I have lost touch about what is going on in their lives, I need to take responsibility for that and either give them more attention or know that they are getting the love and support they need elsewhere and allow it to just be.
As for inspiration, it’s taken me over a year to really start to see the benefits of not being influenced by the onslaught of art that I would see on IG. I am pulling out old sketchbooks, looking at childhood photos, printing out all the nature photos I have taken over the years, and reading my old journals. Goodness! There is so much inspiration right there! In my opinion, my art and writing have improved and is more creative and authentic than it has ever been.
As for being grateful for the little things, I feel like I can give my full attention to the present moment when I’m not scrambling to take a photo. A photo that will only be viewed for a few minutes on IG and will sit on my phone, never to be looked at again. I find the photos I do take now are ones that I pull up regularly and look at many times, I will print them out and hope my daughter enjoys them one day too. I couldn’t say that about most of my photos on IG.
Good luck with your decision! I am sure you will make the right one for you.
Hello Kelly Rae! You’re amazing! Thanks for sharing your social journey, wonderful insight. I felt the same way, the time I spent scrolling was way too much, and was eating into my days with no lasting benefits. I started on social because I was advised if you are starting up a business you need to be on it, so I did. After time I realized that was not happening at all, it made no difference on or off.
I admit I loved the vastness of social, I had the privilege of reading and hearing people’s personal journeys the good the bad and the ugly from all parts of the globe! I also stayed connecting with friends and met some pretty amazing people. I loved posting my nature pic’s to try to encourge everyone “to get outside”.
I have been off for almost 2 years now, and it has been bliss. Once in a while I get message updates and have logged in, as I scroll down and read about all the wonderful things going on in e.g. a distant friend adopted a little girl from the other side of the world. Great news right? But as I kept scrolling I realized how easy it eats up my time and 15min was gone, and I did not like that feeling, my time is so precious to me, and I have to be mindful of how I spend it. I ask myself the question is this fulfilling to you, or what need is this meeting. So far I still getting the message that it’s not, the journey continues. Thanks for the opportunity to share.
Kelly I really enjoyed this post and your thoughts on this issue and have been following your thread on this pivot since you announced your break up. I think there are a lot of creatives quitting or at least scaling back on social. Recently this summer, I stopped posting on my youtube channel and I feel so liberated not to mention the loads of time I now have. Every Tuesday I would make an in depth tutorial which would take the whole week before to prepare. I was basically working for free in hopes that I could drive traffic to my paid programs and online store and it worked but in the end wasn’t worth the anxiety and time it took. I am so happy that I decided to scale back on posting because it started to feel like a job that I wasn’t getting paid for and now I will only post when I feel like it. Also, the comparison trap…ugh, what a waste of mental space and time, I was in that loop too! You and other creative influencers I adore gave me permission to get off the hamster wheel and just be creative again for the sake of creativity. The time it takes to market on social media for artists takes time and that time, for me anyway, is better utilized to actually create, so that is what I am doing. Because I’ve scaled back on social, I am able to finally re organize and de-clutter my super messy studio. Also, the mental space I cleared when I got off the hamster wheel, birthed a new idea to start a membership program in an unusual niche that makes me jump out of bed in the morning with excitement. Thank you!
Appreciate you distilling your experience. I tried to take a break for a while because I was in a habit of checking every morning, and was unsuccessful, but have now finally managed a couple of months with only a couple of check-ins. So I’m still trying to decide where to go from here. I have some advent creativity I’m planning, and thinking I might like to share and be on during that, but really going to listen to be sure. Perhaps that’s the key for me – is this right, right now. Intentional timing. We’ll see 🙂
I have such struggles with social media. It mostly affects me in negative ways, however I keep going back to it. The longest break I took is 3 weeks. It felt great. I have trimmed down who I follow and how I interact, however I would like to do a longer break.
Sending you clarity as you find the rhythm that works for you 🙂
I like it. Instagram is what I make it. I follow who I want, so my feed is what I want to see. If I don’t, I unfollow, or hide content, depending on the severity if the post “offense”. One of the few people I compare myself to is you. As a 57 year old artist, and painter for 39 years, I wonder where I went wrong with my art getting attention. Then I remember a lot of those whose careers I admire have significant others who support them in their careers. #goals 🙂
Totally. Yes, we’re all on our own paths with different seasons and levels of supports along the way. I love how you do Instagram! It sounds like you have a good relationship with it. Bravo!
Hi Kellyrae, I love this post. I’ve been struggling with social for the past 18 months or so and have taken regular breaks. The feeling of overwhelm from too much info/ inspo and not being on top of it all really gets on top of me. Plus it takes up too much of my time.
Like you after a couple of weeks away from it, I found my anxiety levels drop and my own creativity bubble back up. I totally get it that you feel a bit left out as I also live in a lovely quiet place and crave a bit of new inspiration from time to time! But…… As soon as I go back to Insta I find myself scrolling mindlessly and getting drawn back into social addiction. Despite telling myself I will use it in a different way, and be much more in control, FB and insta are designed to be addictive and I find it so difficult to maintain boundaries with it. I am currently trying to take a year long break so was delighted to read your perspective after your own year out!
THanks, Aisling. You’re so right about the addictive design piece. I’ve been lurking here and there and notice that more than ever. Congrats on staying on your path – a year will pass quickly and I’ll be curious to see what springs forth for you!