These wise words and questions changed my life 16 years ago when I decided to become a working artist. I had no idea what I was doing, and I had no idea of what was to come, but I did know what was calling me and what was calling me was to become an artist.
I often think back to that young, 30-year-old version of myself. I imagine myself hugging her and twirling in delight with her and then softly cradling her face with my now aging hands as I smile and say, “I am so very proud of you. Thank you for wrestling with the questions, for being afraid, for quietly tending your truth.”
These days, I’m definitely wrestling with what is calling me now. I know it has to do with writing, and I know it feels pivotal, but the details of what it all looks like feels super disorganized in my brain. Is it a book? Is it a course? Is it simply writing more on my blog and in my journals?
And so. I’m working on allowing. Allowing it all to flow through my heart. Allowing small steps to lead the way. Allowing the quieting of my mind, the part of my human body that keeps me safe and contained from what is divinely waiting, from what is possible.
Here’s what Allowing looks like for me lately as I consider all that pulls on my soul:
- I’ve been re-reading Infinite Purpose by Liv Lane & Lori Portka in the mornings next to our fireplace, with a cup of tea. This book is balm for my soul, a little awakening for the parts of myself that have felt a little dormant. So good.
- I’ve been reading Bird By Bird by Anne Lamott in the evenings. Gosh, I love her. So much. She sent me an email a couple of weeks ago that felt like a sign for my writing call/path. Speaking of books and writing, I recently canvased my bookshelves and was surprised to find many books on writing that I’ve collected throughout the years. More evidence, I suppose, of this calling that has been tugging at my sleeves for a long time.
- I’ve been wandering in the woods, looking for hearts and feathers and other tokens of abundance.
- I’ve been paying attention to my dreams – not necessarily what they were about, but how I felt in the dreams. Turns out I’ve been feeling a bit trapped in my dreams. So interesting! Last night, before falling asleep, I requested my guides and angels bring me dreams where I am flying. Those dreams feel so real to me, like I can actually continue to fly in my waking life. I hadn’t had one for a while and was longing for that feeling. And guess what? I had a dream last night that I was trapped in a foreign country with a passport to get home, BUT I could fly! I woke up feeling grateful.
- I’ve been writing here on this blog a couple of times a week, (sometimes with my eyes closed!) as a practice toward the small steps. I’m noticing that all the tricks I play on myself to get out of my own way when I’m painting (painting with my eyes closed, painting while dancing, making bold moves, etc) can be modified for writing tricks! Who knew?
- I signed up for a writing course, which has been fascinating for me. I’m taking it really slow.
Your turn. Tell me what pulls on your soul. What small steps are you taking, or could you take, to start waking up that part of yourself that wants to come out and play? I’d love to know.
XO!
