there’s a lot going on. it’s a busy life. sometimes i think i’m actually good at communicating, but then sometimes, i suck. i got all upset with john earlier today for not reporting his GRE scores in a timely manner to all the schools he’s applied to. the appication details are many, and sometimes i feel like i have to keep up with the status of things. application deadlines. have these scores been reported. have those recommendation letters been sent out. have you heard from such and such. what about that personal statement. it’s a lot of shit. and though this is john’s pursuit, i am still very much involved with keeping things straight, or so i think i need to be. and therein lies the problem. but the truth is is that i am very much a detailed oriented person and he is not. he is more laid back about….well, everything. and this generally works well for us. we have a nice balance. but every once in awhile i can get myself all in a tizzy about what needs to be done. and sometimes it’s just hard being the person in a relationship that stores all the necessaries and even the unecessaries in their brain. and this is my own fault, not his. all of this, i know, is a very real and universal struggle that couples have. and i was wrong to get myself in a tizzy. i’ll do better next time.
when john and i first met, one of the reasons i fell in love with him was because he was more of all of the things i loved about myself. free spirted. friendly. interested and engaging. relaxed. goes with the flow. a few years later i noticed that because john was a little more of all of those things than i was, i defaulted to the responsible one. the one who was good at taking care of business and getting things done. and he was the one who was still all of the fun things: spontaneous and chill and relaxed about the details in life. i was losing my own sponteneity and free-spiritedness. so it took recognizing all of that a couple of years ago, consciously working on it together, and that is when i really felt we got into our groove. now we really try to pay attention and make sure we’re both feeling balanced. when i need help taking care of details, john steps up and takes the load. and he’s really great at encouraging me to stay with the things that make me me. anything creative. journaling. time with girlfreinds. it’s important to him that we both strive to take care of the details and business of our lives together. nobody should ever feel like the un-fun one. learnin’ and lovin’. that’s what it’s all about. i love that boy.