On tribes. And being a Connectress.

Feb 25, 2013 | Life in Progress

(My high school tribe. That’s me on the left.)

Twenty four years ago, when I was in high school, I had breakfast every single Thursday morning with the same three friends at the local waffle diner. Every Thursday. For four years. Those friendships became my lifeline through high school. They carried me through. They were my guides. And in some ways, they still are.

They were my first tribe.

I will never forget what I learned from them. About community, meaningful conversation, true friendship, showing up, not showing up, and creating connections that last a lifetime. I realize now, all of these years later, that it was grace that gifted me this tribe. And it would be this kind of grace that would dance into my life over and over again.

(My college tribe. That’s me 3rd from the left. Love how we’re all holding hands)

I had another tribe in college – more friends from high school, roommates, classmates – all friends who were intimately acquainted with the same path I was on – that well travelled path of college and homework and boyfriends and first jobs and finding ourselves in our early 20s.

They were my second tribe.

Like my high school tribe, my college tribe carried me through some pretty tumultuous years. I love them dearly, still. I didn’t know it at the time, but grace was continuing to work its beautiful magic in my life, giving me a foundation for what community should feel like.

(that’s me, five years ago)

Then, about five years ago I experienced a big life transition. It was summer 2008 and I was still working in my social work job, yet I was close to phasing out of that life and into my full time creative job/life. I was on the cusp of two worlds, really. Not quite settled into my new creative skin, and definitely not yet empowered inside my current Possibilitarian Spirit. I was in between.

I was in between when my book was about to release that year, and while I was having great success on Etsy. I was in between when I began to teach some workshops, and started meeting all sorts of amazing people. I was in between while signing my first licensing contracts, taking over a spare bedroom as a studio/office, and building my online audience. All the while, I slowly inched myself toward a whole new creative life. It was a tricky time (in all, about 2 years of in betweenness) of straddling two worlds: One that no longer suited me and one that was calling me home.

Although I could feel my confidence and spirit soaring, I began to yearn for a specific community of people who could help me transition from in between to firmly embedded – a community who had the capacity to usher me into the big possibilities that were waiting for me because they too had experienced similar transition in their lives. It takes a lot of courage to put your art out into the world and step into the expansiveness of what could be, and I longed for a community of women who could not only completely understand that specific journey, but who could also help root and ground me inside my own personal transition.



I believe I manifested this exact community that summer, the summer of in between, when a dear online friend and I decided to gather several women – most of whom we had never met – for a weekend of togetherness. My instincts were that I needed to create that community I was longing for and it turns out, my instincts were right. That gathering of women in the summer of 2008 changed my life in extraordinary ways. I felt an intense sense of belonging with these women. And an incredible, huge, life changing sense of possibility and expansiveness as we each reflected back to the each other that what we were doing in our creative work/lives MATTERED and that we had full permission to play big.

They were my third tribe.

We called ourselves the Lovebombers because we beautifully bombed one another with love and encouragement throughout the year, again reflecting and confirming that it’s worth it to courageously show up and offer our work to the world. Most of the Lovebombers still gather each year and continue to be a beautiful network of support. I am crazy in love with them, still. They were my first creative tribe to really see me. And having them in my life has been another testament to how grace has woven its gorgeous threads, connecting me yet again to a beautiful group of strong women. Everyone deserves this kind of community.

(Me + my spirit sister guide, Flora)

Fast forward to last year, and I have a sort of epiphany. I am caught off guard when someone tells me I am a master Connectress – someone who connects people in powerful and beautiful ways. Having never considered it before, I began to realize that it’s true, I am a Connectress! I do, afterall, have a constant, steady and uncanny knack for connecting just the right people. Whether it’s introducing two soul sisters, or two brilliant women in business, or connecting thousands of kindreds inside my ecourses (hundreds who have gone on to create incredible tribes for themselves), or inviting just the right people to a soul-filled gathering, I seem to have an odd, humbling superpower for bringing just the right people together.  I don’t have much to do with the magic that happens once the women are together but I’m learning that I might have something to do with putting the perfect constellation of women in a room together and creating the environment in which connections get ignited.

And then it hits me. This has been the grace of tribes in my life. I’ve always, since I was 14 years old, had a tribe of strong, grounded women in my life. I’ve learned that tribes, families of intention, friendships, support networks – whatever you want to call them – MATTER. Sometimes acting as surrogate mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, and more, these tribes help define our paths, encourage our growth, and celebrate our small moments.

I deeply believe everyone deserves this kind of connection and sense of belonging, and I’m realizing more and more that I want this Connectress part of myself to come out a bit more and play. I think she might be a leader. And she deeply wants to help build tribes for women.


And so, a couple of weeks ago my inner Connectress invited nine other women to join me for a long weekend of togetherness inside a cozy cabin on the OR coast. Some of them knew each other, but most of them didn’t, but all of them are doing powerful work in the world. The intention was to create a weekend that would inspire the inspirers, nurture the nurturers, and create a time and space where we could radiate possibilities with one another when it came to our work, and our lives. And that’s exactly what happened. We dubbed the weekend The Radiate Sessions – a beautiful weekend of collaborative sessions that indeed sent me home feeling properly radiated in bright, bring lights.

Stay tuned for more of our gathering in upcoming posts. I learned so, so much, and I can’t wait to share it with you.

PS: For those of you who are feeling called to create community, I can’t encourage you enough to go for it. I’ve found that it’s those kinds of longings that we must listen to – they’re whispers inviting us to create the experiences we most need. We all deserve to be loved, seen, and celebrated. I wrote a post back in 2009 with some tips on how to create a gathering similar to the gatherings I’ve been a part of. May you be encouraged to fill your well with possibility and community. XXOO.

Sending much love,

Show/Hide Comments (18 comments)
  1. Jimbo

    C’est bizarre ça… Eux ( NKM, Copé, Luca, et pas mal d’autres politiciens ) quand ils manient l&usluo;insrqte, ils ne s’excusent jamais ( les exemples sont malheureusement légion pour ce quinquennat d’éboueur et de fouilles-merdes ). En revanche si jamais, il advient qu’ils soient insultés, ça devient une affaire d’état, et l’on devrait s’excuser non 1 mais plusieurs fois… On sait ce qu’ils nous restent à faire… Comme le dirait si bien M.Poutou, il faut foutre Sarko et sa clique dehors !

  2. cathy

    My name is Cathy and right now I am a CONNECTEEE (lol lol) looking for connections with kindred spirits but Kelly you are right – maybe the answer is to bring together what could be my potential tribe.

  3. Anonymous

    CONNECTRESS!!! OMG, I love it! I am the same…I am actually kick starting an organization focussed on connecting people to people – whether in business or not. But I have wanted to make business cards and wondered what I would refer to myself as…and this is my WORD! I love you what you are doing, what you have experienced with your tribes, I too can relate and soon enough there is a group of us that will have our first gathering, it's been manifesting for a few years now.
    Thanks for the inspiration!

  4. Beth Wyatt

    Thank you for this post! And thank you for your incredibly helpful and thoughtful advice on the Right Brain Business Summit today!

  5. Kim Gann

    Thank You for writing from your heart and encouraging us to follow ours. This IS a DreAm of mine! I WILL make it come TRuE! HUGS!!

  6. destashio

    I don't think I'm a connectress. I grew up with an amazing mother who filled the empty spaces. Since she died 6 years ago, I miss having a connection like you're describing. Maybe I'm a connectee.

  7. Maria

    Artists are the most wonderful inspirational power in my life. Community where life is honored (not competition) is something like a "church" for creative people!
    Great post, and timely too.

  8. Nikki Krause

    I would love to know about future gatherings! I'm always seeking like minded individuals!

  9. cloudgatherer

    Awesome post, Kelly Rae! Feeling connected is so important! I've learned that in the past 3 years since I moved states, away from family and away from dear friends. We are but a 1 hour plane trip away but life happens and visits are infrequent. Despite the distance we make time to talk, email and connect. When we don't hear from one another, there's the understanding that we are in each other's thoughts every single day. I'm building my tribe in online classes and connections through my creative biz. There is nothing like the moment when you know you are in the right place.
    I would love to organise a gathering like you have, I think it would be magical!

  10. gina mckinnis

    YES! I do feel this need. 🙂 I love this post. Thank you!

  11. Sharon Stanley

    i love this! you're right of course, it's wonderful to find kindred souls that come into your life at just the right time….can't wait to see where this takes you….and us!

  12. Dawn Pasco

    I loved this post and it is very timely in terms of what I have been feeling lately. I have a great group of friends I can call when I need support, but have been wanting to reach out to other bloggers who can relate to my specific challenges. I'm meeting with another blogger I met briefly next weekend for coffee. I hope it will spark the beginning of a new tribe for me. I also believe those connections are such an important part of life.

  13. Megan Moran Smith

    Thank you for sharing. This post has really spoken to me. I too feel the need to connect with a creative tribe. I too am "in between" what is calling me and what is phasing out. Hopefully this will push me to find that grounded group to guide each other further down our path.

  14. singingbirdartist

    i love this post! the connectress makes so much sense to me! i had a lovely experience at a little gathering i held this summer where total strangers were arranging lifts together to pick fruit and deliver a spare mattress to another stranger 😉 i just felt myself beaming!!!
    and go you for following your dreams and intuitions and then reaching back to help others join you and the circle…so many forget that part of the process. we need more bodhisattva/sister friend energy in the world, more kuan yin…may you ever be replenished to pour forth your beautiful, loving energy…love and light
    singingbird artist

  15. Katy Acquaye-Tonge

    Words I truly needed to hear today, words that I truly believe, words I needed to be reminded of. Thank you!

  16. Indigo

    Oh how i love the sweet synchronicity of life! i was SO inspired by the beauty and magic of the Lovebombers that i HAD to invite this into my life. just THIS weekend we met for our THIRD year. pure awesomeness when women gather!!! thank you kelly rae. you do indeed have a special magical gift of connectedness that inspires others in such FANTASTIC ways. so grateful. hugs and love mwuoh!

  17. simonsays

    Love you a million times. That weekend and the friends you introduced me to made a huge impact on my life as well.

  18. The Creative Beast

    Great post! I love that you are seeing how many skills you have that you are utilizing in your life and business…also love seeing the Malcolm Gladwell "connector" term being used in the feminine! =-)


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Hello + welcome!

I’m Kelly Rae Roberts

Before I picked up my first paintbrush at the age of 30, I was a medical social worker. I followed my creative whispers, and today I’m an artist & Possibilitarian. I’m passionate about creating meaningful art and experiences that awaken and inspire our spirits.

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