i was reading Laini’s post about her fear of feeling phony and it just really resonated with me. sometimes i have a small grumbling negative voice that tries to convince me that i’m not really all the positive things that i hope and believe that i am. that i don’t really have anything important to say or do, or who really cares? that i’ve fooled everyone around me into thinking i’m sincere, thoughtful, talented. it’s a hint of a voice that gives me just enough insecurity to second guess my own intentions. is everything i do or say just to bring some sort of recognition or praise back to myself? years and years ago, i had a friend tell me that he just couldn’t understand why i was generally happy and carefree and he wondered if i ever had a moment of feeling off, down, depressed. it was as if my happiness = shallow to him. and his off-handed comment has stayed with me all of these years, because of course, we are all our own worst critics, and i’ve often wondered in the years in between if i come across too happy, too unattached, contrived, unbelievable, or shy of depth. of course, what i didn’t tell him was that i, of course, have my own private struggles, but even with them, i’m generally a happy gal. i know i’m blessed and i live in the moment, for the moment, because i am fully aware and attuned to the fact that this life, this short, beautiful, raw, life is for the NOW and that there is just no guarantee it will be waiting for me in the morning. i’m giving this way too much attention, way more for the small amount of times it enters my mind, but occasionally that small little creepy voice enters my conscious and makes me wonder, am i phony?
Sending much love,
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Hello + welcome!
I’m Kelly Rae Roberts
Before I picked up my first paintbrush at the age of 30, I was a medical social worker. I followed my creative whispers, and today I’m an artist & Possibilitarian. I’m passionate about creating meaningful art and experiences that awaken and inspire our spirits.
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