it’s been a life-filled several days. grab a cup a tea and read on…it’s gonna be a long one. i have so much to share.
i’ve always been hopeful and optimistic (and a bit serious), but i don’t believe i’ve ever felt so emotional as i have these last couple of years. i find myself in everyday moments, everyday conversations, easily brought to tears by what i’m learning in that very second. it’s all overwhelmingly good and it means that i should carry some tissue with me more often than i do.
: having wine after class with these women was a highlight of my week. we sat there for hours)
there were several of these seemingly small, but meaningful moments the last few days while i was in portland. like when judy, liz, and I were having a conversation about really taking ownership of our work and all that is good in our lives. i had a moment when i realized that i’ve been putting pressure on myself to explain why good things are happening to me, wanting to figure it out, to explain it to myself. as a result, i feel a teeny amount of guilt/awkwardness/embarrassment when it all comes up in conversation with other people because it feels unresolved in my heart – why am i having such good fortune? am i a fraud? do i deserve it? what i realized in that moment, sitting at that table, with two very dear souls and with salty tears stinging my eyeballs was this: by trying to explain the mystery of all the goodness to myself, i’ve been depleting the joy out of the process. this was huge for me. i am learning to simply sit with all the joy/good fortune/luck/hard work and not dilute its meaning by analyzing, defending, or trying to explain it away to anyone, especially myself. i didn’t realize i was carrying this burden until this conversation. it was an aha moment. since that conversation, the burden and pressure have been released. thank you, world. from now on, i intend to OWN MY JOY.
nina, liz, misty
: at vendor nite. such fun. i love nina’s face in this photo.)
another moment that found my emotion this week: when i realized how gracious, and generous, and loving misty is. i was left wordless (which is very unusual) by her gift and by her spirit. she is an art friend of mind that i am getting to know more and more. the more i know, the more i adore. that’s all i’m going to say about it. the rest is sweetly tucked in my memory and heart.
i took nina’s class on the first day. can’t wait to show you what i made…class photos soon.
(my bff gina and her son ian. we were able to spend some time together on this trip and talk how bffs do. i have missed her and it was awesome to watch ian. he’s so cute!)
more emotion: when i was sitting in the third wooden pew in a beautiful presbyterian church in downtown portland, watching and listening as my bff gina became ordained. her spiritual journey has been riddled with uncertainly, ups, downs, lots of questions, and challenges, but through it all she has remained true to herself and to her unique and loving beliefs. it was an incredibly proud moment for me as i watched a gentle and soulful woman named esther speak about gina and all about who she is and how she has such meaning to those who know her. i was bawling my eyes out, sitting in that church, with pride.
(me, and lisa with our late nite mexican meal. lisa is hilarious, upbeat, sincere, talented, and i’m lucky to have known her all of these years)
i loved seeing my portland peeps. there were dinners, classes, wine, margaritas, slumber parties, falling asleep while talking, laughter in between moments of connection, laughing in my sleep. i miss my girlfriends and being around them remind me of who i am and who i want to surround myself with.
(me with portland pals sarah & lisa on vendor nite. i’m not really tall (5’2″), but these girlies are tiny (and beautiful))
(roxanna at our favorite coffee spot in irvington, just down the road from my b&b).
i am sinking deeper into my art friendships. they are growing in meaning, and i’m loving this part of it. i had wonderful meals & conversations with many lovely women, all who are talented and inspirational and wise. it’s nice to be in the beginnings of a growing community, even when it feels hard (as i explained in an earlier post).
(notice all the wine glasses. my oh my. this is carla, judy
, and stephanie lee
. i can’t believe this is the only photo i got of stephanie. we spent a couple of meals this trip chatting. everyone knows i think she’s the bees knees. )
(tonia, my first editor. adore her.)
thank you, to everyone who came by to say hello on vendor nite. it was so, so cool to meet so many bloggers and other makers of things. it was a highlight, that evening, with all the bubbly energy and gladness. my cheeks hurt by the end of it. thank you, thank you. liz came down from tacoma to join in all the fun for a couple of days and that was SO fun. she is hilarious, and like always, we could talk forever, the two of us, just going and going and going….
i haven’t even talked about my classes yet. yes, my classes. i took a nina class and a stephanie lee class, both wonderful and like nothing i’ve ever taken before. photos of finished projects coming soon…
i so loved this trip. it felt like a vacation. i am home now, feeling rejuvenated, light, and ready to tackle my life. more soon. more photos here.
ps – all etsy/private orders will be shipped out tomorrow…