Mar 25, 2008 | Life in Progress

(whenever i do butterfly wings like this, they are totally inspired by friend misty mawn)

nearing the end of 2 months without john, the emotion of holding it all together completely and unexpectedly dropped, leaving me in knots and messy emotion that spilled over into a morning conversation. out of nowhere, i feel the enormity of a life very, very different from before. allowing myself the mixture of emotions that take up the space of any given day, i’ve learned to float in and out of whatever comes my way – joy, overwhelm, excitement, disappointment – to feel all these things deeply but to let the breath of it slip away and allow gentle spaces for what’s next. sometimes floating in and out comes easy and leaves me feeling well rounded and in touch, and other times i get stuck at overwhelm. i sit with it awhile, let the tears come, talk it out with my husband (who totally gets me), then continue floating. i’m an emotional girl. i’m embracing it. it doesn’t mean i’m attached or firmly identified with any one emotion. it just means i feel deeply in all directions. it means i’ve learned to embrace my vulnerabilities as the very thing that connects me to any other person who crosses my path and also to the best parts of myself. it means i can be and feel all things and still be whole and together and smart and fun. it’s strength and emotion all at once. that’s where i’m at today. i’m still learning that i have what feels like two different realms. one where i have wonderful and exciting things happening in my creative life and loving every minute of it. and one where i deeply miss my husband who is doing his sincere best to be available, but circumstance has us having to work harder than ever before at staying connected and being present in our shared joys and struggles. given the situation, we’re totally kicking some bootie. but i’m just saying…it comes with days and weeks of reminding ourselves to be gentle with our lives, with ourselves, and with each other – to let it all come and go without a ton of resistance. as a wise friend recently wrote to me, we must let the world soften us. so, so true and something i’ve been thinking a lot about.

Sending much love,

Show/Hide Comments (9 comments)
  1. Swirly

    I have learned it is so important to be gentle with myself when I am struggling for whatever reason. The softer I can create the emotional space around me, the easier I am able to move through any type of difficulty. Sending you big hugs.

  2. Lisa

    Very *healthy* stuff indeed, my dear. Live it, feel it, let it in. As I grow older, I realize that this is the true challenge of life on this planet. Being real and open and honest with ourselves and others – and yet not going crazy in the process!



  3. Shauna

    a BIG x and a BIG O

  4. justagirl

    It is an interesting thought letting all these things come and go as life throws them at us. Not trying to control them and be happy all the time, sometimes you just need tears.

  5. Anonymous

    Kelly, I so love this piece of art and thrilled to have purchased the original. Sort of a birthday gift to myself…heh. True Story: Gentle Thoughts new home… a 100 year old 2-story farm house with a bit of history~ once a boarding house for the railroad in the 50’s. It will be hanging upstairs in my art room. I thank you Kelly Rae and wish the best for you & John. I too am emotional and think better out with it than in.

  6. kelly

    is that a little heart i spy on her skirt? little paint gently rubbed away forming a heart.

  7. PixieDust

    It does take work, and it takes time apart, and it takes letting go and crying, and staying strong…

    giving you a (((HUG))) with lots of healing karma…


  8. Patti G.

    Kelly, This was my favorite of all your most recent creations and now reading your post of how you and your hubby are working through your current situations with work and life! I will be married 25years in June and there are many times of high emotion in a marriage! The best thing is, seeing him as your best friend over the many years! Someone you can know in your heart and mind who loves you for everything, short times, long times, work, flaws, giggles, heartache, pain, joy….all of it! There is something extra special about each step that build this relationship! So know that everyone has these times and that you will only grow closer from it! <3
    P.S. I SO want this print Kelly!

  9. Marica

    Oh, Kelly Rae, this is so touching.
    Softening, and not hardening, is the true art of our lives.
    This really resonates with me today, thank you so much for sharing.

    Your relationship will be forever stronger as the two of you work your way through this time.


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I’m Kelly Rae Roberts

Before I picked up my first paintbrush at the age of 30, I was a medical social worker. I followed my creative whispers, and today I’m an artist & Possibilitarian. I’m passionate about creating meaningful art and experiences that awaken and inspire our spirits.

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