nearing the end of 2 months without john, the emotion of holding it all together completely and unexpectedly dropped, leaving me in knots and messy emotion that spilled over into a morning conversation. out of nowhere, i feel the enormity of a life very, very different from before. allowing myself the mixture of emotions that take up the space of any given day, i’ve learned to float in and out of whatever comes my way – joy, overwhelm, excitement, disappointment – to feel all these things deeply but to let the breath of it slip away and allow gentle spaces for what’s next. sometimes floating in and out comes easy and leaves me feeling well rounded and in touch, and other times i get stuck at overwhelm. i sit with it awhile, let the tears come, talk it out with my husband (who totally gets me), then continue floating. i’m an emotional girl. i’m embracing it. it doesn’t mean i’m attached or firmly identified with any one emotion. it just means i feel deeply in all directions. it means i’ve learned to embrace my vulnerabilities as the very thing that connects me to any other person who crosses my path and also to the best parts of myself. it means i can be and feel all things and still be whole and together and smart and fun. it’s strength and emotion all at once. that’s where i’m at today. i’m still learning that i have what feels like two different realms. one where i have wonderful and exciting things happening in my creative life and loving every minute of it. and one where i deeply miss my husband who is doing his sincere best to be available, but circumstance has us having to work harder than ever before at staying connected and being present in our shared joys and struggles. given the situation, we’re totally kicking some bootie. but i’m just saying…it comes with days and weeks of reminding ourselves to be gentle with our lives, with ourselves, and with each other – to let it all come and go without a ton of resistance. as a wise friend recently wrote to me, we must let the world soften us. so, so true and something i’ve been thinking a lot about.
Sending much love,
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Hello + welcome!
I’m Kelly Rae Roberts
Before I picked up my first paintbrush at the age of 30, I was a medical social worker. I followed my creative whispers, and today I’m an artist & Possibilitarian. I’m passionate about creating meaningful art and experiences that awaken and inspire our spirits.
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