Sometimes it all lines up and I am in awe of how we actually get what we ask for.
Something remarkable, perhaps the most remarkable spiritual awakening I’ve ever experienced, happened about three hours after hitting publish on my last blog post – the one that ended with this sentence:
I’m getting that the grace that is showing up for me, during this remarkable season of my life, is trying to teach me to receive, to let it rush in. My heart is definitely cracked open to it. And now I want it to break open.
I have always been a seeker. I consider myself to be open, non-judgmental, accepting of all spiritual perspectives and experiences. I believe in God/Source/Good/Light and I’ve seen and felt its love and presence all around me as I’ve moved through my life, especially the last eight years or so. But never have I had an experience as the one I had a couple of weeks ago after writing that blog post. It was a moment in time where my willingness was aligned with a sacred experience. Some would call it totally woo woo and out there while others would simply nod their head in complete knowing like it was par for the seeker’s course. Either way, my heart burst open. Surprisingly. Unexpectedly. And I feel fundamentally changed.
I felt both the enormity and the specificity of how deeply I am loved, how deeply I am seen, how firmly and tenderly I am held. The enormity of this specific message was unrelenting, unstoppable, and more powerful than me. I had no choice but to let go, break open to to the enormous rush, and receive it all in full feeling, weeping and true with nothing but absolute gratitude and acceptance of the highest of highs. Remarkable experience. All that receiving allowed me to feel the light and the magnificence of my spirit, totally overcome by how precious I am, how we all are. I felt and saw my essence. She is feisty, funny, light, happy, dancy, a joyous seeker. It was as if a veil had been lifted. I was also called to see how, for me, in this very moment of my life, Joy is my most potent teacher, my mother, my father, my guide, my BFF, my muse. The song, “I got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart” came to me, over and over and over again. A message. A gift.
Friends, I know I *must* sound cray cray right about now. But what I’ve always known is true. We are exquisite spiritual beings having a remarkable human experience. And we are indeed “all just walking each other home” as Ram Dass says.
For as long as I live, I am deeply honored, grateful to have had this awakening. Not only did I get to see and feel my intrinsic value, but I also got that I’m meant to live in joy. I was born for it. I’m supposed to go in its direction. I’m supposed to allow myself to have it. I’m supposed to unlearn everything that I’ve ever been taught that doesn’t allow my specific brand of joy to shine. I’m supposed to ignite it. Spread it. Radiate it. Nurture it. Be its student and steward.
Like fitting together the puzzle, I can see now how and why I’ve been drawn to it.
No wonder I started The Wear Your Joy Project. No wonder I seem to attract the most joyous people on the planet. No wonder I am married to someone who is stalked by hummingbirds. No wonder I am a Possibilitarian at heart. No wonder I finally chose to be a mother. No wonder I’m called to its vibration. All of it, my teachers.
When I take stock of where I’m at and where I want to go, it really does come down to joy. For everything that has been Good and True in my life, it first started with a call to joy. And now I see and feel and know that joy is part of my very essence while at the same time being my most significant guide.
In this way, I suppose, Joy is leading me home. To my heart. To all that I know to be true.