I’ve been doing a lot of reflection. About the last 14 years of motherhood, the last 18 years as a working artist, the last 25 years with John, and really, about the last 49 years of this remarkable journey as a human being.
This post is a bit of a tribute to all that reflection, and also a portal for me to access a way of joyfully reflecting on (and celebrating) my life in the present, the NOW.
This shot was taken the day we crammed a tiny black Honda Civic Accord hatchback with our most treasured possessions. Photo albums, jewelry, books, all three pairs of my beloved overalls. We’d started dating 12 weeks before. We were 24 years old and deeply in love. It was 1999.
We set off for Portland, Oregon with John’s yucca tree taking up the entire backseat. We were on an adventure. We still are.
Although I was savoring our new found in-love-ness, there was so much I didn’t know back then. I didn’t know how truly blessed I was. I didn’t know how many opportunities and privileges were swirling in my young life.
Today, as I flip through our beloved photo albums and meander down memory lane, I’m seeing it all so differently. I don’t see two crazy kids making reckless decisions. I see bravery, adventure and the beginnings of a true partnership.
Have you ever noticed how looking back often has that afterglow effect? It shines a light that shows you just how much grace and joy you had. The time and distance reveal the truth and beauty that filled your life back then. The afterglow is a softer view of your yesterday self.
In the afterglow, we see how lovely, how smart, how tender, how amazing, how perfectly imperfect, how cool we were. We see ourselves in a full, true way, and we become awed by what we see.
Wow, she was only 23. How courageous she was, deciding to move 3000 miles away to create a new life. She was a brave seeker who lived with a full, open heart.
It often takes years to truly recognize the truths of who we were in the moments of our lives. The afterglow doesn’t create these truths—it only reveals what was already there, hidden in plain sight. We were those things then; we just didn’t see it.
And here’s the beauty of that realization: it means we are those things right now, too. Right now, we are brave—brave in love, brave in sadness, brave in grief and anxiety, brave in the slow, steady work of healing our hearts. We don’t need to wait for the afterglow to acknowledge it. Midlife has gifted me with viewing my life through a softer, kinder lens.
I want to continue to close the gap on the afterglow effect. I want to see myself and my life with that gentler gaze now, instead of looking back years from now and realizing what was always there.
Now, instead of the afterglow, my life is all… glow.
My wish is that we all cherish who we were before, and also who we are today.
XO
