be an early thirty something

Oct 17, 2007 | Life in Progress

for so much of my twenties, i struggled with the questions of “who am i?, “where do i want to live”, “who are my friends”, “what do i want to be when i grow up?” there was so much transition in those years. going to college. anxiety. moving a million times. finding love. travel. establishing friendships. the finding and growing into a self that is well rounded, and happy. but now, now that i’m in my early thirties, and now that i’m not struggling so much with those questions, i find myself struggling with this: balance. now that i know what i want to be when i grow up. now that i’m doing the thing i want to do. with the man i want to be with. with the community i’ve always wanted. with all that i could every need or want, how do i find my grounding in the very place i want to be? or will i ever? is this just a part of riding the thrilling wave that is life while trying ever so delicately to be present and mindful of it all?

i have no grace at this age. i am fumbling. stumbling my way through all that is wonderful. i suppose it’s a part of being this age…moving on from the tumultuous twenties, into a more matured existence in a life that is still growing, learning, but with a hope and a heart that is spilling, trying very, very hard to keep up with the very things i asked for and received. i have so many friends who are going through this. we worked so hard to get here. and now, we have so much of life, opportunities, moments, things that bring abundance, that we are trying to slow down and take notice. we are all restless, moving, faster, with a rush of life, wanting to rest, but not quite willing to give anything up..yet.

the wheel of life is so fascinating to me. all the different stages that bring their own struggles and growth spurts. it catches me by total surprise.

Sending much love,

Show/Hide Comments (11 comments)
  1. sandra feazel

    I love your artwork! so beautiful. I am in my early,almost mid forties and I can tell you that I am more content with who I am and where I am than ever before. I was created to be creative and I live and breathe it every day. I find that in my forties, I care very little what others think and more about what I think and want out of my life. I see things more clearly and honestly than ever before. So the good news is that all the things that feel like overload right now will (in your forties) be the things that you stop and realize…”this is not the end of the world, just breathe deeply and go on”. My friend from Austria that is in her later 60’s taught me this. We have to see the big scheme and not so much of the little stress. Balance is loving where you are and what you do and sharing that love with others. People are drawn to those who have a love and a zest for life…not everyone gets that gift, or the gift of seeing things through an artist eye. We are truly blessed in that we see the beauty in small things all around us that some never even notice!! Love your blog-Sandra

  2. Amanda

    at 28 i find myself struggling with how to define my creative path and how i can use my creativity to support myself. this post in so insightful and reminds me to take the time to be thankful for where i am at right now in my journey. knowing that as i continue to discover more about myself i will still have to balance it all. and enjoy the beauty in finding that balance.

  3. Judy Wise

    Well said, kelly. I wish I could report from my perspective that some day you get it all perfectly tuned but alas! Someone keeps tipping the boat. Maybe it’s in trying to find the balance that really is what life consists of.

  4. Kim Hambric

    Gosh, you sound pretty balanced to me. Sounds as if you are happy with your man, your art, your life in general. You move quickly, yet you know that life is full of small beautiful things. You obviously do stop to see these small beautiful things — it shows in your artwork. You feel as if you are moving too quickly. At your age, you should. If you feel like moving quickly when you’re 40 you should. Don’t balance yourself against the rest of the world. If you are happy where you are, your friends are happy with you and your man is happy with you, then you are probably balanced. You say you have no grace and are stumbling along. That shows that things are still fresh and new to you. If you find you are perfectly balanced, graceful, calm, then you have probably reached a point in your life when there is too little emotion and discovery. Its ok to keep stumbling,just make sure you don’t keep stumbling over the same things. Keep creating!! By the way, your creations are quite graceful and balanced.

  5. Anonymous

    makes me think of the song by Sarah McLachlan, Fumbling Towards Ecstasy:

    All the fear has left me now
    I’m not frightened anymore
    It’s my heart that pounds beneath my flesh
    It’s my mouth that pushes out this breath

    And if I shed a tear I won’t cage it
    I won’t fear love
    And if I feel a rage I won’t deny it
    I won’t fear love

    Companion to our demons
    They will dance, and we will play
    With chairs, candles, and cloth
    Making darkness in the day
    It will be easy to look in or out
    Upstream or down without a thought

    And if I shed a tear I won’t cage it
    I won’t fear love
    And if I feel a rage I won’t deny it
    I won’t fear love

    Peace in the struggle
    To find peace
    Comfort on the way
    To comfort

    And if I shed a tear I won’t cage it
    I won’t fear love
    And if I feel a rage I won’t deny it
    I won’t fear love
    I won’t fear love
    I won’t fear love…


  6. Steph

    I’m 34 and I can completely relate. My 30s have been much less of an emotional roller-coaster and much more of a time of coming into my own.

  7. kelly

    just wait till you hit your
    forties! whoo-hoo!
    actually, i am still pondering the balance. this world is so crazy, balance doesn’t come easy.

    [i just realized that haven’t sent you that check….yikes! i will do that over the weekend. can’t wait to see her!]

  8. Ro Bruhn

    I’m in my fifties and still trying to get the balance right, now my children are grown up and have their own children, my life seems busier than ever. With full time work, my art and now grandchildren. But I love every minute of it. Take and enjoy everyday as it comes.
    Love the painting too.

  9. cherry girl

    I am going to be turning 30 in May and still asking myself the questions of who am i?, although I am beginning to figure it out – I’m hoping to figure all that out in the next seven months lol, but it seems unlikely! I think that once you have all those basics down then you start to think more about grace and balance and enjoying all the wonderful things your thirty something life is giving you. 🙂

  10. deirdre

    This idea of balance is one I’ve chased for years too. How to balance work, home, creativity, friendships…more than I can list. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s more about cycles than balance, because, really, I still can’t figure that out.


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I’m Kelly Rae Roberts

Before I picked up my first paintbrush at the age of 30, I was a medical social worker. I followed my creative whispers, and today I’m an artist & Possibilitarian. I’m passionate about creating meaningful art and experiences that awaken and inspire our spirits.

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