i’ve been going through my old journals as a way to help me dive into the manuscript for the book. i was totally surprised to find several references to creative goals, as far back as junior highschool. over and over again i would write similar goals to the above entry: learn to draw. learn to paint. become an artist. take an art class. i have several entries in several journals about how i feel most balanced and “myself” when i’m being creative, but interestingly, I rarely defined what “being creative” meant.
i am amazed that it took me almost 10 years to find myself finally following my path after writing this little list of life goals. i wrote them when i was 23 years old…before i met john, before i moved to the west coast, before i had even finished graduate school. of all the things i listed, i’m happy to report i have indeed traveled all over europe and the us. i have indeed learned how to sew (not a pro, but certainly “efficient”). i am indeed illustrating and writing a book (though it’s not a children’s book). and lastly, i did indeed “become an artist, learn to draw, paint, whatever.” i crack myself up.
have i learned to cook or play the drums? no. on a side note, i wonder why i didn’t reference happiness in this list? it’s everywhere else in my old journals, but not in this particular list. i must have been feeling particularly task oriented when i wrote this (as i sometimes can be, still). i also find it interested that the most important thing (become an artist) was written last. it’s true how the most important things come last. in conversations, i notice that it’s often the last thing a person says that carries the most meaning and significance. have you noticed this before?
i am so thankful for my journals. they really are a documentation of an evolving self. the early years are all about boys, of course, but even in those, i can hear the voice of a girl finding her grounding, in relationships, in friendships, in family, in life. interestingly, my journals are packed to the brim with words, with thoughts, but absolutely no art, no drawings, no sketches. just a ton of words and quotes and emotion.