i have been feeling so task-oriented lately, trying to get ready for everything. there is a book to write. a magazine article to put together. a trip to oregon. another trip to nyc. an art/writing project for another book. a visit from family. enough paintings for two san fran art festivals. vendor nite next week. oh yes, and my job! the best/craziest part of it all? i have just eight short weeks to accomplish everything i listed. everything. eight weeks. omg.
i’m in week one. i feel ready and am curious to see how i do. will i be able to balance and center myself through it all, especially all the artmaking and writing? will i be able to feel my way through it with inspiration? most of all, i want to stay balanced, grounded, structured yet passionate, wild, and free. can we have it all?
how did i find myself here? i seem to asking this so much lately, partly out of happy disbelief, and partly out of something more practical that i can’t seem to put my finger on. i want to make sure i’m where i want to be. i don’t want to wake up one day and find myself somewhere vague and misdirected, like so many people describe in their lives and how i found myself many years ago, too. married..check. house…check. job…check. vacation time…check. garden…check. passion and inspiration…not so much. it’s hard work to listen to ourselves, to make sure we are ourselves in the midst of the everyday callings. man o man. i feel fortunate today, many years later, to be right here, where i want to be, but it comes with constant tweaking, recognizing, and re-evaluating. it was a hard lesson for me and it was hard work to rediscover myself. i don’t want to go through that unearthing again..so, tweaking it is, even if it means i’m too much. too wordy. too vulnerable. too woo woo. too analytical. too emotional. i like this self. feels good.