embarrassing moments

I miss john. He’s been at the coast surfing since early Tuesday and will be home Friday. It’s hard for me to easily get to sleep when he’s not home. I have to stay up super late in order to become super tired so that i’ll fall asleep easily. And just before I fall asleep I wonder to myself “are all the windows and doors locked?” I swear, i’m stupid and dorky and neurotic.

Speaking of stupid and dorky, i am convinced that my life is one embarrassing moment after another. Today, one of the ICU nurses said to me, “Kelly, can i ask you something?” Then she looked directly at my chest and asked, “Are those fake?” Even as I’m writing this i can feel my heart racing, my face blushing and I’m starting to sweat. I couldn’t believe the timing of her question. Did she somehow know that I recently went to Nordstoms to get fitted for bras, only to find out that i’ve been apparently wearing the wrong bra size (34B) for god knows how long, only to be told I’m actually a 32D? Did she know that this has been a huge adjustment for me? I know it’s silly and ridiculous but i really don’t want the Ds. I want the Bs back. And her question today sent me into a tailspin. I promptly screamed “NO” to her bold question and quickly crossed my arms in that way that you can cover your chest while sort of holding your boobs. I felt exposed, embarrassed and silly for not being ok with my new boob size. Once again, I need to get over myself. But seriously, a boob job? C’mon!