we are navigating the waters over here, doing the best we can with all the help and love being offered by those close to us. we are so fortunate to have such good support. for paternity leave. for maternity leave. for family and friends who are with us, helping us to clean and cook and soothe and simply witness.
with all these blessings, this is still such a hard road to discover. this past week was especially rough. at every turn, i feel totally new and raw. i’m missing and grieving and over thinking. and everything feels acutely unfamiliar. everything. it’s unsettling, scary. the tears are still at the surface and i wonder when i’ll begin to feel a bit like myself.
i know this is all normal, par for the course – that this is all a part of this major transition. i’m also learning that i have a lot of emotional recovery to do in regards to true’s birth. i’m not ready to tell that story, but birth grief crept up on me hard and furious this past week and i feel like i’m on my knees and totally at its mercy.
through it all we are loving our way through. we are learning our way through. we are living our way through. and we are doing it together. together. baby True is all blessings. all joy. all love. i still can’t stop looking at him. or missing him. and my love for john has grown in ways i never knew possible.
feeling really blessed. even through the hard.