when we lived in oregon there were a few instances when i became utterly panicked. the kind of panic that leaves you speechless, unable to think, unable to remember the names of your best friends, their phone numbers, where you are. you lose all your senses and you are left with nothing but the heavy, heavy feeling of pure dread and hysteria. the world is still moving, but you are stuck in several moments of horror, unable to function or to speak. all of these instances involved the very strong fear of losing john, something that i felt in those moments was a true and real possibility. weather it was a melanoma diagnosis, or a phone call to search and rescue up in the snowy mountains, i was in those moments, more scared than i have ever been before. scared of losing the love of my life. and it was in those moments, as painful as they were, that deep lessons were learned. all of life’s pettiness just slips away in a second and you no longer care about what you’re going to wear to the holiday party or where you’ll go on vacation. all you want is for your loved ones to be ok. and you start to beg and plead and bargain. i really don’t know what i would ever do if i lost john. sometimes i think about this stuff way too much.
i have been so struck and saddened about the Kim family. i can only imagine the horror and pain that his wife is going through right now. i don’t know if it’s the san fran-oregon connection or what, but i have been following the story and my heart just weeps for his family. weeps. it just sucks.