panic attacks

Dec 7, 2006 | Life in Progress

when we lived in oregon there were a few instances when i became utterly panicked. the kind of panic that leaves you speechless, unable to think, unable to remember the names of your best friends, their phone numbers, where you are. you lose all your senses and you are left with nothing but the heavy, heavy feeling of pure dread and hysteria. the world is still moving, but you are stuck in several moments of horror, unable to function or to speak. all of these instances involved the very strong fear of losing john, something that i felt in those moments was a true and real possibility. weather it was a melanoma diagnosis, or a phone call to search and rescue up in the snowy mountains, i was in those moments, more scared than i have ever been before. scared of losing the love of my life. and it was in those moments, as painful as they were, that deep lessons were learned. all of life’s pettiness just slips away in a second and you no longer care about what you’re going to wear to the holiday party or where you’ll go on vacation. all you want is for your loved ones to be ok. and you start to beg and plead and bargain. i really don’t know what i would ever do if i lost john. sometimes i think about this stuff way too much.

i have been so struck and saddened about the Kim family. i can only imagine the horror and pain that his wife is going through right now. i don’t know if it’s the san fran-oregon connection or what, but i have been following the story and my heart just weeps for his family. weeps. it just sucks.

Sending much love,

Show/Hide Comments (11 comments)
  1. Laini Taylor

    Yah, I know. It just doesn’t seem possible — that’s what makes it so terrifying to me, that the littlest, simplest things can turn into tragedy and throw your life off the tracks. I hate it.

  2. Judy Wise

    I kept telling myself that I don’t even know this family but it didn’t help. I was glued to the TV yesterday hoping against hope that James would be back to join his family in a joyful reunion. It was impossible for me not to identify with this lovely young family. It humbles me to reflect on the fragility of a life. And I am so very sad.

  3. Linda

    my heart weeps for them too and even more so now that it’s come to such a tragic enc. So sad. Love each other fully while you can.

  4. Bohemian Girl

    kelly…i have had moments like that with Carsten and it so bothers me that my mind goes there. i cannot imagine my life without him either. i understand the panic.

    i have not followed the family you speak of but i will go to the link and find out so i can start lifting them up in prayer.

    warm hugs and love to you.

  5. tali

    I know what you mean…I only became aware of the situation after they found Mrs Kim and the children, but my heart broke for them yesterday when I’d read that he didn’t make it. And I wasn’t sure why the story affected me as much as it had, but I think perhaps you hit it on the head. The thought of losing Artboy just terrifies me.

  6. britt

    i agree kelly. it’s so sad. what a beautiful family, and now the mama with her two little children…you are so sweet. i’ve been praying for her to get through this…

  7. Anonymous

    hey babe ~~~

    i wanted to honour your sharing…

    one of my dear friends has such a huge love for her family. her father is a wise man, an equadorian indian. he is one of the most beautiful souls i’ve ever met. 🙂

    he tells his children:

    what’s important in love is knowing that i will be okay without your mamma. i love her, but i know i will be okay without her. it is free love.

    and as hard as that may seem… it’s profound as well 🙂 trusting in “grande espiritu” ~ Great Spirit, that no matter what, we’ll be okay.

    in love and light,

  8. deirdre

    Me too. The prospect of loss is so frightening and real. My heart breaks for the Kim family.

  9. Cate

    I am right there with you on this. I am praying for the Kim family–such a terrible thing.

  10. ceanandjen

    It is very heart breaking, and it makes you question why these things happen, because really, there does not seem to be any explanation. I, too thought about Kati Kim and my heart is so incredibly sad for her. I can not even imagine her grief.


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I’m Kelly Rae Roberts

Before I picked up my first paintbrush at the age of 30, I was a medical social worker. I followed my creative whispers, and today I’m an artist & Possibilitarian. I’m passionate about creating meaningful art and experiences that awaken and inspire our spirits.

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