(a recent commission)
it’s another gorgeously crisp, sunny, carefree day here in california. i woke up today, spirits lifted. john’s bff is in town for the weekend. i love seeing him with zach. they are two peas in a pod, so much history between them. boys. now grown up. but not really.someone asked me the other day how old i’ll be next month on my birthday and i paused. will i be 31 or 32? i love that. i love that as we get older, we still feel young. though i have to admit that in my mid 20s, i went through a year or so of feeling so old with a spirit that felt heavy and often depleted. i was working a full time social work job, owned a house, and reluctantly tended to the garden and the house without much else going on in my life. of course i had john, but what i lacked was a life of my own. as much as i crave a little bungalow these days with a yard and a garden, it just wasn’t the right time for all of that when i was 26 years old. i wanted to play and travel with john, and live freely without strings attached, like a mortgage. it was a weird age of trying to discover myself in the work/professional world, while trying to make new friends in portland (after everyone i knew moved away for sunnier climates), while being slightly depressed, while figuring out how we wanted our life to look like for us, as a couple, as individuals. we had fallen into a pattern of leading the life we “should”. graduate from college. get a full time job. buy a house. make money. spend money. one vacation a year. play on the weekends. oh my, my soul just crumpled under all the pressure! today, so many years later, and after several years of having found our way of living, i can happily report we are 31 and 32 years young, soon to be 32 and 33. oh, i love the thirties.