sickness, shame, sea glass

Jan 28, 2009 | Life in Progress

i so wish i were coming here to report how fantastic cha was. that i loved teaching. that i’m exhausted by all the fun of signing books and meeting people. that i made some great connections and felt energized after meeting with my editor about the possibility of a second book. but the truth is is that i had to cancel my trip at the very last minute. last week, just as i declared myself unsick after several weeks of battling my way thru some serious upper respiratory yuck, i made the mistake of exerting myself with a bit of exercise on a gorgeous seattle day. and ever since then, well, i’m back to sick. canceling was very hard for me to do. i’ve never canceled a trip. never not been up for fun and adventure. and i pride myself on meeting deadlines, being dependable, professional, and on and on. but this thing, this prolonged illness, has me beat and surrendering to my limitations. last nite, in the dead of stillness, i woke up to a near panic attack over it: will i ever get better, i wondered? i’ve done everything i’ve been told to do. rest. antibiotics, immune boosters, etc, etc and still, i am still not even close to 100%. all of this is to say that i find it interesting that even while sitting in a doctor’s office, i feel such a giant amount of shame about not being able to follow through on my cha commitment. if john were sick, i’d cancel in a heartbeat without hesitation, but when i’m the one who’s sick, i feel shame. clearly, i have some soul work to do. but in the end, i did choose to stay home, to try and get well, and i suppose that’s progress.

the silver linings have been all the reading i’m getting in (i read this book in just one day, it was so good.), the napping, the eating a ton of soup and pudding, and the sweetness of john who is taking good care of me. he even got me out of the house yesterday for exactly one blissful hour of seattle sunshine on alki beach (photo above) where we found gobfulls of sea glass. he’s a keeper, that john 🙂

Sending much love,

Show/Hide Comments (64 comments)
  1. dfh








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  2. Jane

    Feel better soon – so sorry to hear you missed cha – how disappointing for you! Health must come first though!

  3. Linda

    oh Kelly I hope you are feeling better!!! If your immune system is suffering in way that may be Auto-immune compromised ie Chronic Fatigue taking immune boosters will make it worse, so just take care in what you take!!!

  4. Bijous Whimsy's Blog

    Kelly Rae, I hope you get back to full health soon. I know up here in the frozen North, there is a couple of really bad flus and colds going around which takes months to fully shake it seems, the worse one seems to enter peoples lungs causing bad congestion, tiredness, etc…I also agree with ‘Susan in Seattle’ and this is of course coming from someone who only knows you through your blog…you’ve obviously been through a busy time with alot of action and change in the past while and it could just be the stress sneaking up on ya and manifesting physcially, stress is super smart that way…Don’t feel bad about slowing down and taking care of yourself, trust me, I know it’s fustrating but sometimes you have no choice and it’s often the smartest and/or only choice, I am stuck in bed often 3 or 4 days out of a single week with my damn migraines. Don’t loose hope, you’ll shake it soon and be back to your lovely creative and inspiring self soon…atleast whiles you recoup you have that gourgeus and cozy home of yours to get better in:D Be Well…Mandy Saile.

  5. Graciel @ Evenstar Art

    When your body and soul are assured they will not get lost or left out of the phenomenon that is the rising brand of “Kelly Rae Roberts”, they will grant you good health and sweet calm. Until they are convinced your future successes do not equal abandonment, you will feel much less than yourself.

    Rule #1: always put yourself and your needs first. No apologies. No shame. Pamper, rest, and carry on, Creative Woman. 🙂

  6. Marianne

    Congratulations for choosing to take care of yourself. I hope that acknowledging yourself for that feels good.

    I really hope the resting helps.

  7. Tina

    Canceling must have been so difficult and disappointing. Choosing yourself is often so very difficult. I hope you can enjoy the forced down time.

  8. Anonymous

    Are you pregnant maybe?

  9. justagirl

    I hope you are feeling better soon…

    I am off to the doc this afternoon for a similar thing.

  10. Sara Moriarty-delaFuente

    It is inspiring to see a woman partake in self-care. Many of us don't (myself included) and that's the real shame. Not you having to cancel to take care of yourself. Tho I know that's a hard decision to make.

    I hope you feel better soon.



  11. Anonymous

    Hi Kelly Rae
    So sorry you had to pull out of your trip to cha , but health takes first place .I do hope you get better soon.
    Lorraine x

  12. Julie-ann

    Get well soon! Really hope for your fast recovery and back happy doing what you desire.

  13. Sacred Yoli

    Sorry to hear you are sick. I came back from CHA sick too, and to a sick family. grrr.

    Hope you feel better soon, and I am bummed I missed your demo.

  14. julie king

    kelly, one thing i’ve learned in life (the hard way) is that we can’t be everything to everybody, every time, everywhere. the first step to overcoming the urge to be that way is to acknowledge that many times YOU need to come first. try to drop the guilt and be good to you. you so deserve it!!

    take care and feel better!


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I’m Kelly Rae Roberts

Before I picked up my first paintbrush at the age of 30, I was a medical social worker. I followed my creative whispers, and today I’m an artist & Possibilitarian. I’m passionate about creating meaningful art and experiences that awaken and inspire our spirits.

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