i so wish i were coming here to report how fantastic cha was. that i loved teaching. that i’m exhausted by all the fun of signing books and meeting people. that i made some great connections and felt energized after meeting with my editor about the possibility of a second book. but the truth is is that i had to cancel my trip at the very last minute. last week, just as i declared myself unsick after several weeks of battling my way thru some serious upper respiratory yuck, i made the mistake of exerting myself with a bit of exercise on a gorgeous seattle day. and ever since then, well, i’m back to sick. canceling was very hard for me to do. i’ve never canceled a trip. never not been up for fun and adventure. and i pride myself on meeting deadlines, being dependable, professional, and on and on. but this thing, this prolonged illness, has me beat and surrendering to my limitations. last nite, in the dead of stillness, i woke up to a near panic attack over it: will i ever get better, i wondered? i’ve done everything i’ve been told to do. rest. antibiotics, immune boosters, etc, etc and still, i am still not even close to 100%. all of this is to say that i find it interesting that even while sitting in a doctor’s office, i feel such a giant amount of shame about not being able to follow through on my cha commitment. if john were sick, i’d cancel in a heartbeat without hesitation, but when i’m the one who’s sick, i feel shame. clearly, i have some soul work to do. but in the end, i did choose to stay home, to try and get well, and i suppose that’s progress.
Hang in there, something bad has been going around that takes weeks to get over. I promise, you will get better!
This blog is so magic!And you are an Artist and a very positive person, i think:) Best wishes from Poland!Take care of yourself!:)
Take care of yourself, sometimes the hardest thing for us to do…be confident that you did the right thing in not going, but I’m sure it’s a battle inside. Hope you feel better.
I`m sending loads of warm thoughts to you, hope you`re feeling better soon.
oh kelly- I am so so sorry to hear that you not feeling well and that you had to miss your trip. I know that had to be very hard but you made the right choice to stay home. It would have been terrible to be far away from home and feeling that bad. I hope that you get to feeling better very soon.
I am sending you my well wishes…..
Kelly..one day at a time and you will heal. I came across this post in Wyanne’s blog.. she too got very sick
http://wyartjewels.blogspot.com
Sometimes if we don’t slow down, something will make us. Healing thoughts to you.
Hi Kelly, love your blog..give yourself a break, in the grand scheme of things it’s just a moment in time..(smiles). I have to tell you that I love your book so much, it has given me such a boost, I have made my first collage..yea..wish I was closer to take a class from you..I’m at the other end of the US..Key West..lol..so sweetie hang in there and lean on your sweet hubby and your wonderful friends and just HEAL..this is the Universe’s way of saying..”hey take a break you deserve it”..hugs Susan
That is so strange you should be suffering from respiratory ickiness- I have been battling a perpetual cough that I have been wondering "will it ever go away!" Walking every morning trying to sweat it out, taking lung & immunity boosting vitamins, lots of hot fluids get me through my day… but it is embarassing when dealing with clients and in social settings… I constantly joke "no I don't have tuberculosis, I swear!" cuz people start giving me that "are you contagious look?"
The cough had a silver lining tho- I barely slept last year (cuz night time is when my cough is worst)and that's when I wrote my book (that I told you about).
It is so ironic because my island is famous for healing; so many people travel here to swim in the healing waters and try the plethora of alternative Hawaiian medicines available- and here I am with this stupid chronic cough- sux!
I feel for you, having to miss CHA. That must have been a hard decision, but I hope more fun opportunities come your way and that you are feeling well again soon.
hope you are feeling better in all ways, wishing you heart healing and self kindness.
love the photo. and good on you for staying home to give yourself some care, and let yourself be cared for.
Hope you’re back to 100% soon!
Kelly,
Please take care of yourself and focus on YOU for the moment. You deserve it. With so many changes in your life this past year, your body is begging you to rest and recharge. The Best is Yet to Come and you need to be up for it. :0)
Your life is blessed and in turn you have blessed mine by writing your book and sharing with me.
Take it easy and get to the Health Food Store as someone else mentioned here. Oh and Breath…..Savor each and every moment of your success.
Blessings and Health,
Michelle
I can so relate…this has been the hardest winter for me…and I’ve lived in Minnesota all my life (where winters can be long!) I have battled such immense fatigue and find it hard to listen to my body when it needs to rest. I found out I have a vitamin d deficiency (check that out!) and finding a possible cause has helped, but the healing has been slow…in fact, I don’t think it’s improved at all yet…and that is so very discouraging. I stayed home from work Monday…and still had a hard time doing “nothing”…in fact, I still did a bunch, but there were naps built into my day…it helped.
The spring will come and with rest, I’m hoping we will ALL feel better.
The important thing is that you take care of your health – and you shouldn’t feel guilty about that! All the rest will fall into place. I’ve heard that’s an excellent book – I saw a short video of her reading, which brought tears to my eyes, so must get the book. Lovely photo. And anything involving sea glass is a bonus, in my world! 🙂
i agree with everyone who has said that you need to just rest and BE! you have been through a HUGE year, just relax and let your body catch up!
i broke my wrist on jan.2, and have been feeling shame that i can’t work, but i certainly didn’t slip on the ice on purpose!
i have read a mountain of books, too. if you need another suggestion, We were the Mulvaneys by joyce carol oates.
I went to CHA on Monday looking for you and thought maybe you were just there over the weekend and I missed you. There is no shame in cancelling. As I cancer survivor – I learned the hard way that we MUST listen to our bodies.. so you can be here for the next CHA show. Rest and be well soon!
I got a few Kellyrae pins – they came out so nice.
Kelly Rae,
I’ve been dealing with what sounds very similar since before Thanksgiving. Really, don’t beat yourself up over having to cancel cha. I’ve been dealing with chronic health issues for several years and I’ve learned that I just have to go with the ebb and flow of my energy.
I’m hoping for both of us to be back to normal very soon!
kelly rae*
sending gentle, healing blessings to you today, tender soul.
with love & understanding,
gem
Hi Kelly
This is only my second post on your blog and we’ve never met but I did want to say that understandably it must have been quite a disappointment to not be able to go and I definitely relate to your feelings.
But in the end (and right now really) it doesn’t matter at all. You have a beautiful spirit, wonderful and inspiring art and I’m thankful that there are people like you in this world.
Because you are not an infallible robot that is always on time and always able to meet every commitment means that you can write a book like Taking Flight and touch the lives of so many in such a positive way. Where is the shame in that?
Best wishes for feeling radiantly healthy very soon.
Kerin
kelly rae, you and i have talked several times in the past about following our hearts – i am such a believer in being true to one’s self, and doing what your gut instincts tell you to do. and you know i’ve recently made a huge decision to cut back on teaching, and to cancel for portland this fall. it felt both good and bad at the time, but in knowing it is what is best for me (and for others as well, if it makes me have more peace in my heart), i now feel 100% that i’m doing the right thing. if you had gone on that trip,you would have been sick away from home, away from john, away from where you are your most comforted and comfortable. there will be other conventions, never fear, and they will wait for you….take good care, and do let john pamper you – xx
i think the things we struggle with the most are our most important lessons. sometimes i think extended illness is an exclamation point from our body, requesting us to remember how important our relationship with it is. i am glad you are listening, and i have faith that you will heal.
sending you love,
Amanda
Oh Kelly. Feel well soon, dear girl.
And just mail me whenever you feel up to it!
xo
Forget the shame Kelly, be good to yourself. Rest and enjoy your sea glass. I’d rather have sea glass than diamonds!! Hope you’re feeling better very soon.
I actually know someone in Alki that has had the same sickness. I hope you feel better soon. Glad you are taking care of yourself!
Feel better soon! Feel no shame, connect with Brene and enjoy your down time!
I too just got your book – loving it! This means that even when you’re not working you are working … spreading art through out the land.
I’m thinking a trip to Seattle might be in order just to find that lovely sea glass. I’d love to have a whole jar full!
sounds like you absolutely did the right thing… & it seems that you were not supposed to take this trip… try to feel proud of yourself for listening to your body… i know it was very hard for you to cancel.
more soon~ i owe you a letter!
don't forget to just breath and be. enjoy your beautiful house and husband and pooch… you are a lucky gal. happy relaxing… you can do it! xoxo, *s
Sorry to hear you’ve been feeling so awful.
Consider trying a few drops of Oil of Oregano mixed in a glass of iced tea or something (but don’t try it in apple juice because it tastes awful, I’m just saying). I have a lot of respiratory problems and it helps me feel better quite often. I get mine at Whole Foods.
Glad to hear you are listening to what your body needs and resting though.
i am proud of you for doing what you need to do to take care of yourself…
feel better dear girl…
xoxo
Hey – thinking about you. No shame at all in being sick and making GOOD choices for yourself :).
Listen to your body ~ it’s trying to tell you something. Maybe it’s saying “I” (your body) “need more rest. I wasn’t ready at the first sign of recovery.” ” I need more time please.”
And I really believe things happen for a reason, even though the reason isn’t always readily apparent. What if you’d pushed yourself and ended up in the hospital with complications? Be gentle with yourself, you must be a friend to you before you can be a friend to others. At least you did listen to your inner voice and followed your instincts. One giant step in the right direction! You’ll get well soon and be so happy with health again.
Hugs and prayers to you.
hi Kelly !!! hope your feeling better soon , sometimes sickness is a way for our body to let us know its really time to take a break (as hard as it is to do ) anyways, since you twisted my arm in the last post i will be attending ARTNEST !!! yeah!! i can’t wait to meet you – take care of you !!!
hugs,
Beth
I dreamed just the night before last, I think, that you’d gotten sick, and was meaning to call you, lady. Yes. Rest. I get tired doing the dishes! Meanwhile, you’ve got a bestselling book and just moved, lady. Take care of yourself. Think of the little 9-year-old Kelly. That’s what I do when I can’t do for myself. I think of the little girl me, and that helps me take care of myself. Love you! Ama
Kelly~ Delightful picture!! Don’t feel shame for taking care of yourself. I think us as women try to do to much. You’ll get better you just need to rest.
I’d love to see pic’s of your sea glass.
Hugs, Love and Smiles,
Jill
nalettejm@yahoo.com
Kelly,
Like others I’ve been sitting on the fringe of your blog.
Such a beautiful photo of you.
You give and give…now is your time to recharge.
I know we don’t like being sick, but sometimes I wish I could just sit myself on a shelf and take my batteries out.
Listen
Consider yourself a brave soul – it takes a lot of courage to admit your limitations – even if they are only bodily limitations. You have made a good choice to take care of yourself (one of your New Year’s resolutions – no?). I am inspired by your choice, because I, too, feel guilty when I say no to things in order to care for myself. Funny how we work?! I hope you feel better soon and I will cross my fingers and pray that your next exciting, fun, learning adventure will be waiting just around the corner, when you feel better enough to enjoy it!
Peace to you!
Hope you are feeling better soon.
I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been so ill. I know how you feel. I went through 8 weeks of staph, fungal and bacterial infections, medication allergies, etc. and I thought it would never end and it had me sobbing in tears on the floor, rocking back and forth.
Don’t feel shame…..we’re only human and it’s understandable that we react to our circumstances in a purely human way. It’s part of what makes us so unique and special.
I’m glad you have John there to take such good care of you. 🙂
I’m praying you find rest and peace and a renewing of your spirit. 🙂
Didn’t I tell ya about Alki? It is most amazing at low tide in the summer time when the giant clams spray water up through the sand as you walk along the shore…and large starfish cling to the bottoms of old forgotten piles of cement slabs out in the water…and yes, the sea glass is wondrous too (especially the dark blue kind I covet). I miss it so, it makes my heart hurt.
I am so sorry you had to cancel your trip…just remember that everything is as it should be in this moment. (and I’ll try to remember that too)
xoxo
with you in spirit, love, and shame resilience!
Kelly Rae-I can certainly sympathize with you. I was diagnosed with lupus many years ago (and no, I don’t think you have it…it’s just part of my story). I felt this HUGE weight descend on me because of all the limitations that I had. I was a young mom, a RN with great job, all great things ahead of me…I learned the hard way to pace myself. Slow down. Oh, and saying “no” every once in a while. CHA will wait for you next time (and love you more then!). It’s interesting how we women tend to feel shame for things we have no control over, isn’t it? I’m looking forward to meeting you at the Inspired event this year. And I’ll send up a heartfelt prayer and some cyber love for you!
Carol
Kelly,
I have often visited but never commented here. Today I just had to. I had mono last spring, and I remember that panicky feeling– will I ever feel well again?? and yet the shame of feeling I was disappointing others.(WHY do we do that to ourselves?)
So, three things:
–Feel better.
–When the shame creeps in, think of what you would say to or do for a precious friend who felt sick and worried and exhausted, and do that for yourself. Or let others do so.
–Another book for you— Broken for You– by Stephanie Kallos– a wonderful, inspiring, transporting book– cannot say enough about it.
As for me, it is a gray and drizzly day here and the treat I am giving myself is YOUR BOOK– it arrived last week and at last I am able to dive in.
Blessings to you from across the country– thanks for all the sunshine you send out!
Take your time, rest and do what doctor said:) Very soon you will be as healthy as before
Hugs
Oksana
ohhh get better soon KElly.
I’ve been hovering on the edges of your blog for some time now and decided to comment and leave good wishes to get better. It was a hard decision to cancel CHA but probably the right one – no sense driving yourself into the ground! Rest, relax and recuperate!
If you are having the time to read, I highly recommend Audrey Niffenneger’s ‘The Time Travellers Wife’ if you haven’t read it already. Beautiful beautiful book.
Wishing you a speedy recovery and peace with your decision to look after yourself.
Rest and let your body heal. Disappointments always appear much larger when you are ill. I look forward to your next book – I know it will happen!:-)
And I thought I was the Queen of Upper Respiratory Infections 🙂 Kelly, I have been there, I feel ya. I have gotten sick after pretty much every major change in my life…and this move of yours to Seattle, after a year of “biggies”, the new book, new teaching, a trip to Italy…all of it is just catching up with you. I do really know how you feel. But remember, this is only temporary. There will be other opportunities to teach. Just get better, give yourself some much needed rest and TLC, and you will be healthy again soon…I promise 🙂
Sending hugs your way…
Our bodies have a way of telling us when it’s time to slow down or take a break. This was your time!
Perfect Timing! Watch your mail and something will arrive soon that will make your heART smile.
Hold onto the sea glass and let go of the shame.
from an artsy gal in California who admires your spirit
Kelly, here’s a quick story for you…In about 1990 we moved our whole house, kids, etc, and 1 month later it was christmas. The stress of it all got me and I was in bed for a month and a half with some upper resp thing, taking antibiotics and trying to get well. I finally went to a health food store (Super Supplements) and took immune boosting stuff and really haven’t been sick since. (knocking on wood) It’s good that you cancelled your trip although a mighty tough decision. You’ve had a lot of excitement in your life during the last year and while positive, it took its toll. Kick back a while, take care of yourself, enjoy Seattle and just make some art in your lovely new studio.
You’ll get better soon.
Love your art, your blog, and your point of view. Take care….
Three things:
1) Beautiful photo. 🙂
2) Feel better.
3) touch base with Brene. I think the two of you could use each other these days. 🙂
Much love to you, friend.