(self portrait – five months into motherhood. i think it’s time to grow out my bangs and switch it up a bit. that or back to super short pixie. necklace by nest pretty things. earrings by sacred cake. camera strap by vmjess)
feels really really good to have taken a bit of an internet/blog break these last two weeks. it’s amazing how much more rested we feel when we back off from online world for a bit, no? the loudest whispers i’m hearing these days are gentle and simple. gentle and simple. on the simplicity front, i got a ton of work done last week for the first time since true was born and it felt SO GOOD. i have our part-time nanny to thank for that. last week was her first week on her own with us and let me say, it was awesome.
(True turned 5 mos on 3/3 and he’s loving his toes and feet, rolling over, laughing, and teething [ugh]).
not only was i able to focus on work while she was here, but for the first time in five months, john and i went out for a meal together (brunch), just the two of us. omg! by the end of the week, i felt so capable, so refreshed, and really clear on how i’m going to manage working from home with baby True. i love our nanny! and i really really loved working in my home office where i could be super close and available – perfect set up for now.
really does feel like everything has changed, like something has shifted into a new norm.
(found this water spill in the shape of a heart one morning as i was making myself some tea. been finding hearts quite a bit lately. i wonder if it’s because i feel a shift)
one day last week john and i took ourselves on a date to the subaru dealership and traded in our mini cooper for a subaru outback – a real family car. we told the dude we had 1.5 hours flat to do the entire transaction (because john needed to leave town) and that was that. awesome. we are now owners of two subarus – an old legacy wagon we’ve had for 10 years and now a newish outback. we are subaru people though the mini was fun while it lasted.
(what i love so much about this photo is how the painting behind us mirrors the two of us perfectly.)
while john was out of town for the weekend, true and i had our first weekend alone. i was a little nervous at night but we did great. over the weekend, i started to read super baby food (solids begin soon!) and i ordered simplicity parenting – been hearing good things about both books. i also read a few magazines that have been piling up including the latest issue of Flea Market Style which made me so happy because it was page after page of awesome ideas – loved!
i just want to say that i love my life. i really really deep down love this world, this life, this baby, my family. even when it feels like i’ll never get back to the gym or finish the projects that have been piling up for five months or return phone calls to loved ones or stop eating oreos.
my word for this year was gentle. i have been meditating on this word everyday of this year. and it’s working. i feel more gentle toward myself and toward others than ever before. there is a self compassion that was born when True was born, a spirit of utmost tenderness toward myself, toward him, toward john, and an unbelievable surrendering to everything that truly matters. i still feel all of this and it makes me feel alive and open. everything feels and is precious. our lives, our everyday moments, even our seconds. they’re all absolute, fragile, and precious. what a beautiful thing.
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