i just wanted to pop over and say the obvious: i love italy. i have so much to say and to share that i’m not sure where to start. and i so wish i had the ability to upload a few photos but i’m at this random computer with a funny keyboard and so the photos will arrive later, i promise. i am feeling so far away from my life – from work, from the computer, from meaningless distractions and to-do lists, from the noise of pressure, from my studio, traffic, and clocks. the italians are so indulgent with their late morning arrivals to work, their morning gatherings of community, their two hour lunches, their glasses of wine throughout the day, their three hour delicious dinners, not to mention their gorgeous language and conversation. i loved that i just showed up here, not really knowing what to expect, and with a beginner’s curiosity. i am gratefully overwhelmed with the slower pace and completely enchanted with how they live here.
i am soaking it all up. in my quiet moments, i’m realizing how sadness has been the undertone of my life back home. how for two solid years i’ve been trying so hard to be strong and brave while waiting for my life to begin again. how i have missed the routine of being with my husband every single day and how loneliness has become a familiar companion. how i’ve missed living in a city that feels like home and how important that feeling is. how i’ve been on a single track momentum to just make it thru the my temporary life in california, never quite feeling settled or comforted in any way – even thru all the wonderfulness of the last couple of years. perhaps i could have done a better job making room for what’s important, for taking better care. it seems italy has gifted me so far with a bit of perspective. i somehow knew this would happen and i suppose i’m ready for it – for the acknowledgement that i’ve been doing my very best to maintain my brave face back home, but really what my heart needs to say is that it’s exhausted by all of that brave face maintenance, by all of that trying so hard to make it work, by all of the analysis of heart and mind, by all of the constant activity. in the end, my soul still longs for some nurturing downtime to reaquaint itself with myself, with john, with how i envision my life from this moment forward. these have been constant whispers for so long now. it seems i’m always just on the cusp of grasping their wisdom and making some changes, only to be lifted up by the wave and wind again, never sure where my center is. i will find it, i’m sure, but for now, this is the hard truth of where i am right now.
somewhere along the line i lost my footing. i’m learning more than ever that i must have both feet firmly planted in the earth before i can ever really maintain flight. that i must make some roots, wherever that may be. that i must do something every single day that breathes my spirit, that says hello, kelly rae, you are indeed right here and you are okay just as you are, where you are. i am feeling the release even as i type this. the long breathe. the gentle tears. the awakening.
thank you, italy. so far, you are good peeps.
and mati and i love our students. i have so much to say about them, but it will have to come with another post. but yes, they are delightful in every way. and we are so grateful….
and one more thing: the entire world is watching. everywhere we go, the news is about our election. locals are talking about it. travelers are waiting in anticipation. and my heart is heavy with hope that mr. obama may indeed win the world over with his clarity, honesty, and vision. i can hardly wait and what a story it will be: where were you when the whole world changed with the election of hope and inspiration? well, i was in italy, completely in love with possibility, both for my own life, and for the life our our country.