so, it turns out that i have a hard time stopping. without work and ideas and passion taking up my brainwaves, i’m not sure what to do with myself. i know, i know. so sad! it sort of snuck up on me, this seemingly one dimensional life. i’m learning the hard lesson of what i’m left with when that one dimension (work) takes a break for awhile. and what i’m left with is a mixture of confusion, a little bit of sadness, and not much of a life! i can see now how workaholics become workaholics and how on the other side of that story are other neglected stories (self, family, balance, etc) that eventually succumb. i don’t want that for myself. i don’t want the sadness, or the succumbing of my other stories, or the confusion.
i suppose we all get stuck in one dimensions every now and again (our kids, work, food, and on and on) while the other pieces of ourselves wait for us to come around again. and i can see now, how over the last many months, i got myself here in this rut. it’s so easy to neglect various aspects of our lives when the loudest pieces get first dibbs. for me, my loudest piece is my work. it’s what excites me, what reaches out for me, what i most love to do. but, on the other hand, it’s pretty bossy and insistent and swallows me whole. it also doesn’t respect boundaries, and i’m pretty sure it struggles with co-dependency issues 🙂
so yep, christmas break….i can’t say it was the most joyous of breaks. nor can i say that there was a ton of celebrating. but it was pretty remarkable and an ass kicker in ways that i needed it to be. more than ever (and yes, like a recovering addict, i must sound like a broken record about this), i’m committed. yes! committed to getting more of a life. doing new things (salsa lessons!). meeting new people. learning new skills (bought three cookbooks!). making new art. keeping track of my time online. writing more gratitude lists. writing more love notes. reading more books. reading more magazines (the current issue of oprah was the best magazine i’ve ever read. cover to cover, it helped me so much). making more gifts. getting outside more, even in the rain. going to concerts. doing less, while doing more.
you know, life. i want more of it. because in the end, having a life is what makes me better at what i do. it also inspires what i do. and how i do it. so, that’s the challenge, peeps. more life in 2010. it’s a journey i want to take. a journey i’m ready to take.
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