my hair is dryer than ever before.
my skin is breaking out.
i have never looked or felt so tired.
the wrinkles are spreading
i am wearing unflattering yoga sweats most days.
i have pounds to lose and arm cellulite (true!)
i desperately need new makeup.
i am working my way up an emotionally deep well
the tears are frequent
showering is less frequent
i am exhausted.
i am scarred.
and it all feels unrelenting
even in a time when everything about my physical appearance says i should feel unpretty, i feel, oddly, more pretty than i’ve ever felt before. i’m not a girl who considers herself naturally pretty, but since true’s birth something has shifted. maybe it’s an acceptance and an embracing of womanhood. maybe it’s the tenderness i’m finally feeling toward myself. maybe it’s self compassion for my weary, worn out spirit. maybe it’s the emotional recovery i’m feeling on so many levels, the soul work.
whatever it is, it’s a gift to see my own little light coming through in my tired eyes. no matter how weary. or stressed. or or or or….this is new for me. it feels incredibly refreshing, like some unseen force/self expectation weight has been lifted. it reminds me of when i fell in love the first time with john and how beautiful i felt. that’s what this feels like. i feel beautiful inside falling in love all over again.
thank you, baby true. and hello, love (again).