I was looking through my archives recently and came across this post that I wrote almost exactly one year ago about feeling a bit lost as a new mom. As I was reading it, I felt such relief knowing that those moments are gone now – those feelings of turning the corners of everyday life and not knowing if it would be a familiar corner or an unfamiliar one. Baby True is 18 months old now and we’ve both grown so much, so much, in the last year. No longer scared, no longer raw, no longer new. Our unsteady baby wings have grown to support us in this amazing journey and now it feels completely, utterly familiar as if it’s always been this way, as if I’ve always been a mama.
I can remember the distinct struggle in the early days of motherhood of trying to keep my heart totally wide open and exposed during such an adjustment period of unfamiliarity and fears. It was a concrete, deliberate practice – one that all moms go through but so hard to explain. I can imagine it’s a similar struggle when we’re up against anything, really, that changes our lives and identities – our hearts change, too.
I’m just crazy grateful that we chose to become parents. Nothing beats it. Nothing compares. The journey. The stretching, growing, becoming. The practice of everything (courage, patience, creativity, problem solving, slowing down). And waking up to True still feels like waking up to the best day ever, over and over and over again. Not easy, and incredibly hard. But still the best. I am amazed.