i mean it.

Aug 16, 2007 | Life in Progress

this photo has absolutely nothing to do with my post but i couldn’t resist sharing a photo that just brings me a smile because she’s just so freakin cute with those ginormous ears and grin.

where have i been. oh man. i wanted to come here and share some delights of the last several days, but here’s the honest truth: it’s been a wonderful, then hard, then wonderful, then hard again these past several days. nothing seems to last and i’m beginning to feel like i can’t really trust the permanence or stability of anything. john and i have pinky-promised one another to get out of our intensity. to get out of our heads. out of our negativity and into the wonders that are simply ahead of us. i don’t think i’ve shed so many tears than i have in the last few months. i’m pretty sure i must be nearing the end. the well is going dry. and quite frankly, i’m just simply exhausted by my own self. my bff called me yesterday and shook me into, then out of, my tears, then into an awakening. there was something about that conversation that when we hung up, i said to myself “enough is enough.” and so it goes. i mean it. i’m a girl on a full on mission to master the balance of sitting with the enormity of what i’m feeling while at the same time moving past it, and not just for a day or two, but for good.

bits and pieces of the wonderfulness of the last several days:
making lots and lots of art that i feel proud of.
a couple of great full days with john, including a movie (bourne ultimatum – loved it), a picnic complete with bluebird skies and perfect weather and quiet pinky-promises, breakfast/coffee/tea at a new joint, lunch at a mediterranean place that made us feel like we weren’t in california anymore, yatzee, and beach combing.
a birthday party for our friend erik.
a clean house compliments of a husband who knows how to really get a place sparkling clean.
feeling like it’s all going to be ok and that i’m well loved and taken care of by everyone and everything.
the book i’m reading. i will share more on this soon.
tea with a friend.

bits and pieces of the hard of the last several days:
the general and vague feeling that i’m missing the point.
the long talks with my husband that are the very essence of good and healing and communication, but also difficult when sensitivity is ruling my personal world right now.
being way too hard on myself.
realizing that i’ve taken waayy tooo long to call my friends back.
realizing that the creative life (i’m still learning the way) can be intense and isolating even with all of its rewards. i feel like as much as i am loving and embracing this life, i still stumble through the mere learning curves that have come with it this year.
admitting that my emotional reserves are quite low and that i better start doing self care

bits and pieces of what’s coming ahead:
lunch at cafe gratitude tomorrow with christine and mati (i’ll share photos).
weekly artists dates.
morning pages.
monthly massages.
letter and card writing.
gift giving.
one more week of art making for the book.
getting ready for art&soul vendor nite.
a brighter, clearer, more understanding me.

Sending much love,

Show/Hide Comments (8 comments)
  1. Caroline Armijo

    You are right – living a creative life is very hard. I finally admitted that to a friend the other day. There aren’t a lot of role models. I admire you for sharing.

  2. stacy

    Kelly, following your past few months on your blog, you’ve inspired me to take an art class, or two, to just get back into that space of allowing myself to create something wierd and scary. Thanks for that, and thanks for sharing this, too.
    Oh and you’re not doing anything wrong, it’s just hard sometimes.

  3. Colorsonmymind

    Don’t know what words to share except that it sounds like you have a great plan to find some of that self care glowing feeling.

    Hugs and love

  4. Julie H

    Kelly I am glad you started the post with such a cute picture!

    As to the other, you think too much, so do I, but I have a feeling it is also what feeds your Muse. It is a really crazy journey you are on right now – but you will come through stronger and free.

  5. Amanda

    how i can really feel for you and with you the ups and downs. and how being so sensitive affects you on so many levels. sending lots of love and thank you for sharing all that you do…

  6. Cindy In Carolina

    You’re a strong gal, you can make it!!

    Are you getting into SF more?

    I’m in a small town in SC, so I would love to hear about all things in CA.

    Crying is not a bad thing.

  7. PixieDust

    So glad you got to revel in the Wonderful, the Hard can really take a toll on one’s self, but thankfully you realize that you need some “me-time” to help you pull through.

    Love that the Ahead should do you a world of good, and will light that radiant smile that must touch everyone you encounter.


  8. Kirsten Michelle

    thank you for sharing here your highs and lows…i find myself constantly in the rise and fall of my own.
    “ahead” looks really good for you 😉
    …looking forward to hearing all about it!


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I’m Kelly Rae Roberts

Before I picked up my first paintbrush at the age of 30, I was a medical social worker. I followed my creative whispers, and today I’m an artist & Possibilitarian. I’m passionate about creating meaningful art and experiences that awaken and inspire our spirits.

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