john arrived home from not being here for almost two weeks. i have missed him. and i have missed us. the current of our marriage feels strong lately with the ebb and flow constantly being negotiated and reevaluated. these times are sensitive for us. we’ve never had to work so hard at keeping us “us”. we are doing a damn good job if you ask me, but that doesn’t mean it’s been smooth sailing. sometimes it feels quite easy and sometimes it feels like one of us is still going out with the tide while the other is coming in. the push and pull of keeping our relationship centered has always been at the forefront while we adjust to all the changes for us as individuals (and as a couple) this past year. i am so, so proud of us. this man has my heart, deep and wide. we are soaring on the wings of love and life.
i’ve always loved the smallest details…i am easily moved and amused by them. i think i learned this from my mother. she gets sent into a spin of excitement over the smallest thing (like a birthday card or small note). it’s nice to watch when someone so appreciates the moment, the detail of whatever it is. and so it goes for me, too. a sweet hand-written letter in my mailbox from a fellow blogger (thank you c.b.), or the smell of autumn on the way, or the warmth of sand on my bare feet. or the beauty of treasures found at the ocean today….it wasn’t a big find like this day, but it was enough to make me happy, happy. (i told you my hands were wrinkly)
so, i suppose it’s no wonder that i am also sensitive to the details of everything else, including worry. i’ve always been a worried girl. i can’t remember a time when i wasn’t. worry is born out of fear. and fear (for me) is born out of the perception of not having control or it’s about losing someone. at my best, i worry very little with the knowledge that all i can do is my best, and what happens next isn’t mine. not mine to determine. not mine to predict. to direct. or to control. it’s such a breath of fresh air when i rest with this knowing. when this knowing stays for awhile, for weeks even. everything feels unburdened and the lightness of life truly does brighten everything.
i have been receiving the best packages in the mail lately from friends + family. my mom and sister have sent several old and worn out books for a project i’m working on and jennifer included so many trinkets from her studio that it had me wondering just how many goodies does she have in her working space? wow. little things from old keys, buttons, silver thread, old wire, vintage photos, glass, lovely stained fabric and more. i have learned from both of them to find beauty in the old and broken, worn and well loved. it is wonderful to have a family that loves the same aesthetic in art, decor, and in life. a dear friend sent the above book by julia cameron. i don’t know where i’ve been, but i’ve never heard of it, but i am so looking forward to diving into it this week.
oh yes, you can’t see them in the above photo, but i am wearing these new earrings i bought from stephanie’s new etsy site. they are gorgeous and perfect. go check out her goods. i love everything that girl makes. and speaking of etsy and loving everything a girl makes, check out nina’s new etsy site, too. these women blow me away with their creations.