the smalls, the worries, the love

Aug 11, 2007 | Life in Progress

earlier today, baker beach, san fran

john arrived home from not being here for almost two weeks. i have missed him. and i have missed us. the current of our marriage feels strong lately with the ebb and flow constantly being negotiated and reevaluated. these times are sensitive for us. we’ve never had to work so hard at keeping us “us”. we are doing a damn good job if you ask me, but that doesn’t mean it’s been smooth sailing. sometimes it feels quite easy and sometimes it feels like one of us is still going out with the tide while the other is coming in. the push and pull of keeping our relationship centered has always been at the forefront while we adjust to all the changes for us as individuals (and as a couple) this past year. i am so, so proud of us. this man has my heart, deep and wide. we are soaring on the wings of love and life.
i’ve always loved the smallest details…i am easily moved and amused by them. i think i learned this from my mother. she gets sent into a spin of excitement over the smallest thing (like a birthday card or small note). it’s nice to watch when someone so appreciates the moment, the detail of whatever it is. and so it goes for me, too. a sweet hand-written letter in my mailbox from a fellow blogger (thank you c.b.), or the smell of autumn on the way, or the warmth of sand on my bare feet. or the beauty of treasures found at the ocean today….it wasn’t a big find like this day, but it was enough to make me happy, happy. (i told you my hands were wrinkly)
so, i suppose it’s no wonder that i am also sensitive to the details of everything else, including worry. i’ve always been a worried girl. i can’t remember a time when i wasn’t. worry is born out of fear. and fear (for me) is born out of the perception of not having control or it’s about losing someone. at my best, i worry very little with the knowledge that all i can do is my best, and what happens next isn’t mine. not mine to determine. not mine to predict. to direct. or to control. it’s such a breath of fresh air when i rest with this knowing. when this knowing stays for awhile, for weeks even. everything feels unburdened and the lightness of life truly does brighten everything.
i have been receiving the best packages in the mail lately from friends + family. my mom and sister have sent several old and worn out books for a project i’m working on and jennifer included so many trinkets from her studio that it had me wondering just how many goodies does she have in her working space? wow. little things from old keys, buttons, silver thread, old wire, vintage photos, glass, lovely stained fabric and more. i have learned from both of them to find beauty in the old and broken, worn and well loved. it is wonderful to have a family that loves the same aesthetic in art, decor, and in life. a dear friend sent the above book by julia cameron. i don’t know where i’ve been, but i’ve never heard of it, but i am so looking forward to diving into it this week.

oh yes, you can’t see them in the above photo, but i am wearing these new earrings i bought from stephanie’s new etsy site. they are gorgeous and perfect. go check out her goods. i love everything that girl makes. and speaking of etsy and loving everything a girl makes, check out nina’s new etsy site, too. these women blow me away with their creations.

Sending much love,

Show/Hide Comments (13 comments)
13 Comments
  1. Stacie

    Gosh, I love Julia Cameron…so glad you have found her. She will make a big difference to you…

    Reply
  2. Steph

    PS – mati rose mentioned a teahouse. Will you share pictures, please please please?!

    Reply
  3. Steph

    I’m so glad you put time and attention into your marriage! I often wonder about those partnerships that seem “perfect” – I wonder if they really break the surface. I will forever seek the depth in mine.

    Reply
  4. Kirsten Michelle

    this post really spoke to me today.
    my son left for an overnight camp yesterday and my daughter and i are finding a new way of being together without him here. it’s really nice time to have this time alone with her …but i miss him more than i ever thought possible…letting him go has not come easy to me, i am a natural born worrier.
    i was thinking of you today…how you transition from being with john to being on your own, every week….i can’t imagine how difficult it must be.
    i think you are so brave.
    “this man has my heart, deep and wide.”…i love this…it’s so beautiful, so honest.
    thank you for the reminder to appreciate the small details of the day and of life.
    thank you for you,
    i am grateful to have found you here.
    xo
    k

    Reply
  5. Bronwyn

    I just love your header – all of those great paintings up there! Can you give me a hint re how you make all those fantastic backgrounds? ie what is your process?

    Reply
  6. kateri

    Hi Kelly.. I just found your blog through Pixiedust’s and was so enchanted by your work… it is delightful! You know, this blogging adventure is like Christmas everyday…

    Blessings to you and your man and finding the time to really taste life together. What a nice feeling I had after reading your post 🙂 And all those treasures you have received! Can’t wait to come back…

    Reply
  7. PixieDust

    Hello,

    I come across your blog via many different i-journals, and I can see why they are so enamored of you. Your work is incredible, your heart so tender. So happy your love is back… and I can understand the ebb & flows of relationships – I posted about my anniversary recently and likened my marriage/love to a dance, sometimes we’re moving to a different rhythm, but a mutual song always comes along allowing us to slow dance or groove with life.

    🙂

    Reply
  8. Amber

    I enjoy your blog! I’m a natural-born, Type A worrier, too. I think the flip side of the worry is that we feel deeply. Perhaps the fear and the need for control is because we know our feelings run so deep. That’s the same reason you notice so many details. It’s a gift, and at times, a curse. I am on a personal journey to learn to be more flexible and go with the flow. I have made good progress, which much left to be done.

    Reply
  9. Waiting for Occupation

    i’m glad big john is back in the bay with his beautiful wifey!!! i can’t wait for you to come to NYC in November!!! xoxox- Maya

    Reply
  10. Julie H

    Hi Kelly

    I am glad you are in a good place now, me too, I so admire for holding onto it when you have so much change in your life.

    Reply
  11. mati rose

    wait, i just realized i’m gonna see you at the teahouse w/ christine! sweet! what day? hee.

    Reply
  12. mati rose

    oh kelly, i love your blog! i hope to see you soon after the wedding craze.
    you keep rocking on your art & love.
    xoxox
    mati

    Reply
  13. nina

    “it’s nice to watch when someone so appreciates the moment, the detail of whatever it is.” i’m a big ol’ believer in the ‘small’ things, the details, the moments – read my latest post and you’ll know that for sure. i think that maybe having spent more and more time alone has distilled that awareness in me – maybe, i don’t know. i’ve always been one to stop and look at something closely, smell the air, touch the trees and leaves. capture the mood. the look. the time. i know you have that in you as well, from reading your posts and how in tune with your own emotions you are.
    thanks, honey, for the nod to my etsy site. i appreciate that…xo

    Reply

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Hello + welcome!

I’m Kelly Rae Roberts

Before I picked up my first paintbrush at the age of 30, I was a medical social worker. I followed my creative whispers, and today I’m an artist & Possibilitarian. I’m passionate about creating meaningful art and experiences that awaken and inspire our spirits.

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