leaps and art and tears and resolution

Jul 20, 2007 | Life in Progress

happily loved, on canvas + available soon

i’m a sensitive girl. even while trying to stay upbeat and positive i find myself fully affected by what’s coming my way lately. the smallest thing, or yet another perceived symbolic notion of change, sends me just over the brim, into a running, soppy, puddle of sensitivity. today, as tears welled up while chatting with a friend over lunch, i was reminded about the time i went to see a doctor on my college campus years ago. she was a sweet and engaging woman with a sixth sense, a wise soul. as soon as she asked “how are you coping with all the change, you know, being a freshman and all?”, the tears were unstoppable as i wept uncontrollably right there on the exam table. i walked out of there thinking “man, i am a mess and i didn’t even realize it until now!” i thought i had been coping quite well. i had good grades. good friends. a good job. i felt pretty happy, actually. but as soon as a kind soul genuinely asked how i was doing, well, i just needed to cry. i wasn’t a mess then, and i’m not currently a mess….just trying to ride the wave.

i am thankful for my tenderness in these moments because it reminds me of my own fragility. sometimes i tend to be a little too aloof and judgemental (as i was in my deleted blog post yesterday) . it’s good to be humbled by change, isn’t it? and it’s also humbling to have convinced yourself that you’re doing ok only to have the slightest thing send you tumbling toward fear and tears. lately my fears have been centered around being tossed alone into big life challenges. it seems this past year or so i’ve been in control of my personal leaps: quit the full time job and do part time only. start selling art. launch a website. send in a book proposal, a magazine proposal. apply to juried art festivals, and so on. they were decisions and leaps i made with much thought and excitement and worry and anticipation. but still, they were my leaps. but lately, lately the leaps have been out of my control, feeling more like forced pushes into the unknown. of course, it’s all good for me. after a long conversation with my friend this evening, it feels like it will all come together. the uncertainty and the unknown will force me to think outside the box and it will push my creativity and my personal strength to new bounds. it’s the tension and friction i’ve been feeling lately. in the end, the wrinkles smooth into a lovely new idea or painting or conversation or resolution. i suppose it’s what life is all about.

on a side note, it seems everyday i am opening a box of amazing, breath stopping art from some very talented and lovely women who are all contributing their talents and art to the book. i am forever grateful to these women. each opened box is bringing more joy to me than they will ever know. i’m so lucky. i can hardly wait for this book to birth itself. it’s all happening…soon, it will be out in the world…man, talk about vulnerability and sensitivity!

on another side note, several of the prints on my etsy boutique will be retired this weekend, so if there is a print you’ve been thinking about, then please get it soon! new original art and new prints will be uploaded this weekend. finally!

Sending much love,

Show/Hide Comments (5 comments)
  1. Frida

    Oh, lovely. I’m a senstive soul too. I used to beat myself up about it and then one day (not so long ago) I realised that I was on the adventure I’m on because of it. I’m a human rights officer in Afghanistan because the shitty stuff in the world makes me cry, not because I’m tough and can ‘handle’ it. I’m learning to let myself have a good cry when I need it, whether because of the tragedy of a case I’m working on or because I just woke up for the fourth day in a row without water and without a phone call from anyone who doesn’t work with me. The little or the big things – I’m learning to let the tears out and embrace them and move on. Your blog and your posts are beautiful as is your amazing art. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Cre8Tiva

    change is always emotional…even if wanted/selected/embraced…the growth you are experiencing is evident…the fans you have building…moving outward…without a plan or even a safety net…scary, but freeing…blessings, rebecca

  3. fabulousJEN*

    Thank you for your honesty in the post. Your comments about change really hit home with me. I too value the counsel of friends and the ability to step back and see a bigger picture.

    I am so glad Selftaughtgirl’s blog turned me on to your work!

  4. Kelly

    I absolutly love this new piece. Please let me know when it will be available for purchse. You do amazing work.

  5. kelly

    i can’t wait to see this book! some of my very favorites will
    grace your pages. i heard oakland had a earthquake early morn. i hope that you and john are safe.



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I’m Kelly Rae Roberts

Before I picked up my first paintbrush at the age of 30, I was a medical social worker. I followed my creative whispers, and today I’m an artist & Possibilitarian. I’m passionate about creating meaningful art and experiences that awaken and inspire our spirits.

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