my new nickname these days is Mama K and it’s the best nickname ever.
That’s where I’m at these days: unearthing extreme tenderness, birthing new parts of myself, digging deeper than ever before for the bravery that lives inside. I sense that these new vulnerabilities, however scary and intense, are expanding my capacity to love in ways that leave me stunned. I’m deeply aware of this and sometimes I’m not even sure what to do with myself or how to contain the widened spaces of my growing heart. In between starting at him and being joyful, I’m anxious that anything would ever harm him. My protectiveness feels untamed and fierce for our new family – a new feeling for me and it’s strong, strong, strong. More than anything else, I’m surprised how this experience is unrelenting in all things: sleep deprivation, physically, soul work, heart exploding, tears, pure happiness, terror/fear. I can barely wrap my brain around all the parts and pockets and intricacies. It feels deeply deeply layered and so much bigger than me or john or even true. There is a spiritual component that is blowing me away – the way the three of us are connected in our histories – and in our souls – and how our stories and journeys as individuals were always really connected in a togetherness that began before we even existed inside this concrete little family of three. It’s hard to explain but it’s good. So good. I feel supported and affirmed inside this spiritual piece. It’s sort of rocking my world.
Here’s a quick little video of my family…
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