proof of overwhelm

Oct 25, 2007 | Entrepreneurship, Life in Progress

this is where you can find me for several weeks, on the couch which is covered in a sheet, next to my dog, computer on the lap, typing my heart out.

an exchange over dinner with me, john, and his family….

me: when i was 10 years old my mom took me to mcdonalds and i threw up in her car after drinking their orange juice. i’ve never been able to go to a mcdonalds since then.

john: ever?

me (with enthusiasm): never, ever, ever!

john: you mean you haven’t been to a mcdonalds since you were 10 years old?

me: yes, that’s right. 22 years, isn’t that crazy? never, ever.

john (completely exhausted by me): what are you talking about! you go to mcdonalds every other week for their coke and french fries!

me (completely dumbfounded and exhausted by me): oh yeah! hahahhahahahahhahahha!

i have exchanges like that often. i am completely, blissfully unaware, distracted.
i soak in the tub just about every nite around 1am as i prepare for bed.
my dog spends hours and hours sleeping next to me on this couch as i type. every once in awhile i give her a spoonful of peanut butter, not just because she loves it but because watching her chomp and lick her way through it makes me laugh, laugh, laugh.
i miss everyone.
i feel a bit uninteresting. my life feels quite narrow right now, and it will continue to be until i get through these next few weeks.
i am thankful for the people in my life who are supporting me, encouraging me, and lifting me up lately. writing a book feels out of the ordinary and it’s nice to have dear friends and family who understand why you’ve sort of dropped out of life for a bit. and why you have a need to shout with joy, cry with overwhelm, talk talk talk, then disappear again.
ride, i tell you!

Sending much love,

Show/Hide Comments (15 comments)
  1. Anonymous

    OHMYGOSH that is the FUNNIEST story re: McDonalds, I know this was posted years ago but I am just reading this now & laughed & laughed – also enjoyed the dog & PB comment – so funny & true!!!!

  2. Shirley D

    Only just read this but have been visiting this website & blog often…Kelly Rae, thank you for giving up such a large chunk of your life to write the book. Reading it, putting it into practice is life-changing for me, I promise you!

    We don't do soul fodder in the UK nearly half as well as our American cousins but we should. Our o-called 'stiff upper lip' is but mere pretence. Inside we are all questioning our existence. Creatively we cannot function unless we break free of convention. I know that but how hard is it to achieve?!

    I am switching from writing to visual creativity to give my brain better balance but I know I'll get back into writing again once I have completed the next stage of my journey and have something worthwhile to say.

    Your website is essential reading for me.

  3. daisies

    that story completely cracked me up … still giggling over here but also sending you warm thoughts ~ you’ll get there and i can’t wait to read it 🙂

  4. aka Cate

    Hang in there Kelly Rae. I recently finished writing a book so I know what it’s like. I’d get to the stage where I just needed to go all silly and leap and dance and scream – and then quietly get back to it.


  5. gina armfield

    you crack me up!!! Got the same laptop on my lap and sitting on the sofa -;) hang in there sista

  6. nina

    keep wearing that necklace, and you’ll know which direction that ride is taking you 😉
    i’ve been meaning to remember to tell you that the photograph in the necklace is of the trees that line the commons at fort worden, so i thought you’d like that. sending a hug your way – xoxo

  7. liz elayne

    i hope you are getting some naps in and some breathing and some chocolate and more laughter in the midst of writing, writing, writing.

    this story cracked me up my friend, but also made me immediately begin to send you encouragement…
    thinking about you…

  8. Kelly @ Kel's Space

    Too too funny, but also so real – the space you’re in and especially if you have still been dayjobbing it. Hang in there – you are doing some amazing things, congratulations on the kpfa thing too!

    another Kelly

  9. Tonia

    You may be in a narrow, confined space, but it’s a very large place for the people who will soon read your inspiring and lovely words. And when it’s all finished, you’ll look back and say you wouldn’t have had it any other way because as cramped as the space was, your own wings were able to grow just a tiny more through the process. xoxo, T

  10. Lelainia N. Lloyd

    whoops-upLIFTS not uplists. SOrry-I’m tired.

  11. Lelainia N. Lloyd

    Keep going girl! Your success inspires and uplists those around you whether you are aware of it or not. It’s good though to take a mental break as needed even if it’s just a walk around the block to kick the piles of leaves. Savour these time, even when they are challenging because this is giving birth to a creative idea-a BOOK!! Do you know how amazing that is?!? You can do this!

  12. kelly snelling

    hey kelly rae. i finished a manuscript for tonia a few weeks ago. i can so, so empathize with the space in which you find yourself. for me, it was as if i were suddenly living all in my mind. i think that as a visual artist so much of our lives are lived on the canvas which can be done freely and intuitively. but writing is constant thought, research, and questioning. it certainly put me in a strange place. i do love to write but it has been a long time since i have spent hours every day just slogging away. bleh. deadlines! but it was such a relief when it was all finished. keep that as your goal when you grow weary. chink away little bits and soon you will breathe easy as you will be Finished! much celebrating will be in order. and when all the words have been wrung from your brain, perhaps you’ll bypass mcdonald’s all together and hit a really special place. :0) best of luck with your book!

  13. Kirsten Michelle

    oh my goodness…
    i laughed so hard over your mcdonald’s story…
    but then when i reached the end of your post…
    i just wanted to reach out and give you a great big hug!!!

    hang in there, sweetie!!!
    you’re doing an amazing job!!!


  14. Lisa C

    This McDonald’s conversation just cracked me up! Thank you for bringing some humor into my evening! That is just too funny! Good luck on your writing. I can’t wait to be able to pre-order the book on Amazon!


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I’m Kelly Rae Roberts

Before I picked up my first paintbrush at the age of 30, I was a medical social worker. I followed my creative whispers, and today I’m an artist & Possibilitarian. I’m passionate about creating meaningful art and experiences that awaken and inspire our spirits.

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