I’m not going to lie. It’s been a rough couple of weeks around here. My heart has been working really hard to let itself break when another piece of me wants to keep on truckin. It takes a lot of courage to let ourselves feel the pain of any given heartbreak, of any given misfortune. I’m trying to be courageous. I feel fortunate to have John and True as beacons of light.
Lacy posted this manifesto today over on our Facebook page and it it caught me by surprise to see my words reflected back at me at a time when I really need them. I read each and every line, slowly, taking in the truths, one inhale and exhale at a time. I’m certain I must have written this manifesto as a premonition to what I’d need at this exact moment, months later.
While getting my Masters in Social Work all those years ago they used to tell us that we should never tell someone it’s going to be okay, and I suppose that’s actually quite true. We don’t actually know if it’s going to be okay for someone else and we shouldn’t give misguided hope. But, I don’t know, sometimes my heart really needs to hear the concreteness of it’s going to be okay, you are going to be okay, your spirit will be okay, and you’re going to survive.
And while all that assurance is happening, I’d also love to hear that I can surrender my fear and I’ll still be okay. That I can embrace the uncertainty. And that I’ll still be okay. That I can completely fall apart and take my time and feel the circling of darkness. That I can feel sorry for myself and perhaps have an all out crisis of faith. And even then, I’ll still be okay. And then I’d really like to hear that through it all, one day, I’ll emerge softer, wiser, more beauty-full.
Because even in the dark I know this to be true: Eventually Hope rises up to meet us. It cracks open our hearts to the light within ourselves waiting to be seen, to be born again.
I’m going to be okay. And for those of you struggling, you’re spirit is going to be okay, too.
Kelly, thank you for this! I lost my husband 3 weeks after we found out he had cancer, that was just a year ago last Saturday. I've been looking at these last few days wondering what year 2 holds for me. All roads lead to be kind to yourself, your words help me to see ways to do that! I thank you!
Honey, I went to your page and found just what I needed. I need to know I'm not an awful person because I feel sorry for myself and am really scared and angry and am in a lot of darkness right now, even in FLA. XO Ama
Have you heard this song yet? Christina Perri: http://www.christinaperri.com/blog/i-believe-live
I am celebrating life! So many good things are happening to me that I can't list them all! My health is starting to make a comeback, my stress level is lower than it's been in years, I have my family, I have a full time job and insurance after 1 1/2 years of unemployment, I'm stepping out on faith and starting an art business and have been getting lots of positive feedback. If I won, I'd love to go into the Deepening.
Sorry to hear you've had such a rough couple of weeks Kelly. Sending light, love, and hugs your way.
Alexandra in Portland
Such a moving and touching post! Sending you love, light, faith and hope!!!
You WILL be okay! 🙂
ursula @ ursulamarkgraf . com
Thank you so much for these words today… So gentle and love-ly! I hope they give you the courage you need, too, to get through what's troubling you. I will hold them close to my heart and remember to take things slowly this week. Things will be okay if we allow hope back in. It does bring the light (both sunlight and lightness vs. heaviness)!
oh, kelly rae, i'm so sorry to read that y'all have been ill. this too shall pass. i've spent the last 21 years raising 2 wonderful children and through those years i can honestly say that when i was at my weakest…and still able to care for them…those were my shining moments.
peace be with you all,
Hope rises. So thankful you used those words today. I'm waiting for mine to crack through to light. Thank you for posting even in your struggles.
Sending you love and hope and faith. All IS well! (Thank you for sharing this. Our struggles help us connect).
I suppose there really are no coincidences. I sure needed to receive this today.
Thanks for your courage in sharing. Wanted you to know that it reached at least one person who really, really needed to hear it.
Such an honest and lovely post. It truly takes more courage to feel through pain and heartbreak than it does to push it away or try to ignore it.
May you find love, sustainance and comfort today, Kelly.
"Hope floats" – it does indeed.
Everything might not be OK or the same, but I will promise you that in two years time you won't feel the same as you do right now. It's like when you're giving birth and you think transition is never going to end. But the baby is born eventually….. 🙂 🙂 🙂
very timely thank you, as I am just coming out of two weeks of "muck". For now it is ok. That is all I need…for now…
Hugs and love. You are such a strong woman- you seem to be able to direct that strength in any direction you choose- hope you can heal.
Hi I am so sorry re my spelling mistakes on the above comment…hope you can work out what I am meaning ?!!
It is in the middle of the night & I am awake due to the heat here in the UK & a storm!!
My eyes are sleepy & typing on mobile keys!!!
Hi Kelly Rae…I am.so sorry to hear you are going through a painful time. I sometimes uses to think ahe is giving so much goodness to others what happens when you hit a troubled time. Who do you wait for to aend words & images of hope? I am so pleased you mentioned your husband & little boy to be your comfort.
I myself have been through a very difficult few years & very upsetting teenage years. Everything from my past & present that I had not accepted or understood all came crashing in on me last Jan 2012. Things as a mum of 2 girls & a wife of 12yrs became a huge test. I became cylincally depressed & went on medication to help. During this time I found you!! Long story but to cut it short 7 months on I am no longer on medication & have begun making collages. I loved returning to my creative roots…..it has given me purpose again. Other people including myself has made this possible. But your web page & blog has often kept me going. Thank you Kelly Rae for being there for me all those miles away!!
I do hope you find courage, strength, peace & hope. It will come from those silent days when you need to look after yourself & your family. Take care from Moira x
I needed to read this today. The message of the art and your words. I have had a rough couple of months, the ending (I'm still trying to end) of a bad relationship and the passing of my mother. I keep holding out hope that everything will be okay. Some days it feels like nothing will every be okay again but I know down in the deeps, it will be okay again. Thank you for sharing.
Every little thing is gonna be alright. Sending love & light from Alabama to you Kelly Rae. In all things, be grateful – everything shapes us! Sounds like something you said 🙂
I am so happy to read this today, perfect timing. My spirit is low and physically I am exhausted working through fertility treatment, a huge move to a new city (two cities within a year) and figuring out what is next for me. Thank you for opening up your heart and story to others, helps more than words can say. You will be OK, as will I 🙂
HOPE: Hold On Pain Ends
You are going to be okay 🙂 I am currently working on getting my undergrad in Social Work & I hear the same stuff. However, my heart feels the need to tell others that things will get better/be okay, & I believe that to be true! 🙂 Find the good in the bad & try to see what you will learn/get out of this time-how is it going to shape your journey? <3
Sending positive energy and a whole bunch of courage your way – for whatever is challenging your spirit. Allow yourself to feel, and work through those important steps. You will be ok . . . your light shines too bright to not be. Big hugs, my friend.