i am learning to accept the haphazard patterns of my life lately. the feeling ok and light one day, and bluesy the next. the thrills. the disappointments. the arrivals and departure of john and inspiration. it’s hard to explain, this feeling of gratitude that everything is raw and beautiful, yet it is often accompanied with a longing. the hard parts feel beautifully hard and the lessons are everywhere. i find myself stuck in the thoughts of everything, the meaning of everything, the everything of everything. yet, i feel light, too, like none of this really matters. i am finding my way, sometimes feeling quite fluid and peaceful, sometimes wrestling with stubbornness. i have a firm grasp of what is truly meaningful and important, yet i still find myself getting stuck sometimes in the restlessness of the day to day.
lately, i have yearnings to travel, to wander italy in my flip-flops, in the arms of wanderlust. but then i also have yearnings to nest, in a home, with john, with a studio, in oregon. a life in transition. oh, the ups and downs of it all. i am trying, with all of my might, to not fight it – to just let it all come and go and pass on by while firmly rooting myself in my dreams and in my vision for the day.