been thinking about how vulnerable i feel sometimes when i meet other people who mention that they read this blog. anxiety creeps in. nerves flush my cheeks. and i get a bit shy. i feel the enormity of my fumbles, displayed here for all the world to see. i feel the growing pains of emerging into my 30s, displayed here for all the world to see. but mostly, i feel the awkwardness of my creative beginnings, displayed here in my archives for all the world to see. this is the part that makes me flush with a bit of embarrassment – the idea that my journey into the creative life has been played out in this very space – from the first painting i ever painted to the first art retreat i ever attended to my first gallery show to all the inbetweens. sometimes, if i’m being perfectly honest, it makes me cringe just a tiny bit in pure embarrassment. but even still, there’s a reason i haven’t deleted my archives. it is this: it’s all a part of my story, beginnings and all. especially beginnings. it’s the beginnings, just like in any love story, that hold all the beloved drama, the delicate insecurities, the passion, the longings, and the intense grips of inspiration – no matter how awkward beginnings are, they have such beauty, the start of incredible paths of flight.
my personal journey from my creative beginnings to now (which often still feels like a beginning) has been less than graceful but i am learning to embrace the vulnerabilities of all that is shared in this space, the very things that make me just another girl who is learning, stumbling, creating a life for herself doing the thing she loves, and who is celebrating all that exposed awkwardness as a means to growth, and love. it all matters.
monday’s giveaway winner is: kelly valentine!!! kelly, get in touch with me so i can get your print out to you! giveaway continues for each day this week. enter a comment to enter to win!
I love today’s post! It is in so many ways what I feel right now as i am beginning my new business and trying to keep myself inspired by “cross training” by writing creatively again for the first time in years and most recently, trying to find my groove with paint and paper.
There are a lot of stumbles, bumps, bruises, giggles laughter, tears, grins, fear but mostly there is a swellign pride that i am finally embracing something that fills me with sheer and utter pleasure no matter what the final outcome is!
(And having my “grow” print framed now in my little office/studio/converted spare room brings a smile to my face and a little boost of confidence each time my eyes fall upon it! THANK YOU!)
I think your writing and your story really touches home with so many because in the end, we are all alike. We all have stumbles along the way as we find ourselves, our calling, and grow into our own skin. Not everyone has the courage to share that process, but for those that do, I think despite the insecurities we may feel hopefully we can also feel the comfort in that so many of us have traveled along similar paths and can really relate to each other’s story.
i’m glad to see beginnings. It helps me know that I have the right to dream whatever I want and then begin it. messy and all.
oh dear dear woman! it is your vulnerability that is also your strength. your willingness to expose yourself and your thoughts and your beginnings and how that is combined with your incredible success and continued growth.
i love your analogy to the beginning of love. and it’s that self-consciousness that is both thrilling and exhausting! and then we grow into something more dependable, more committed, and just when we think we have it figured out: presto! it changes. it shifts. and it is new again.
so many cheers to you and your beginnings. xoxo,k.
I love that you leave your old stuff. I appreciate seeing your journey, as it is lovely to watch. As well, it gives me hope to move forward in my own creative endeavors 🙂 peace.
Don’t be embarrassed! You’re awesome!
Your openness about some of the details of your life (especially the yucky bits to go through), inspire me to be more honest in my blogging and life…
Cheers!
The beginnings are what made use all fall in love with your journey. It reminds me that it is ok to just be who I am. I am a procrastinator out of fear of failing but in the end I know I must move forward.
Thank you for this post and this reminder.
Just be!
Your archive is a testament to your growth…both artistically and personally. Your blog is a warm fuzzy ~ cyndo
You are rare. Thank you for sharing with your readers/admirers. We SO appreciate you—ALL of you! 🙂 stacey
italy haiku prayer from a beginner
naked baby tum
ya ya ya ya ooh yoo ya
hot italian sun
Thanks for being so brave, just remember that in all the messiness you inspire other creative minds – it’s all worth it.
Be Proud
Nancy
as ever, your words inspire me as much as the work of your hands.
thank you for sharing yourself with us, Kelly. I am better for having found you.
You have really inspired me to let people actually “see” my work, instead of keeping it all dusty and inside my house in piles. Thanks for that!
It feels like a warm embrace when you share your feelings with us. It feels so comfortable and true to me. Not like invade in your private life, but feels near to you, like a good friend, although I am far far away from you and not knowing in person.
You show that everyone can be brave enough to show their feelings and must not be afraid to get hurt….
If I havn’t got a chance to read your blog, I would be missing it.
So please still light up my days with your experiences!!!
You are an enrichment!!!!
THANK YOU
<3<3<3<3
Anke
I think that your beginnings are what make you so helpful to all of your readers. We all struggle with our desire to put ourselves out there, and you have chronicled your struggles and successes so openly and generously that you are a profound inspiration to MANY.
I find your humility and unabashed joy in your successes so hearwarming. I see you as an amazing success, but you are still so surprised by it all, and grateful, and vulnerable.
Keep on sharing, we love it!
Gwennie
I so feel the same way. I was hesitant to create a blog and agonize about my posts, but I put them out there anyway.
I am glad that you write in this blog and that you have not deleted the archives. As I get older I discover more and more that the journey that we travel to arrive at wherever it is that we are, is a vital journey. To be able to look back and see just how far we have come is an amazing thing.
Thank you for sharing!
amazed as always that what i feel is perfectly normal. thank you for spilling all of your [messiness] i see it as graceful,
and beautiful.
peace.
Wonderful! How fun!!!
Indeed, new beginnings are bursting forth in my life these days as well. Over the past 10 days *remarkable* things have happened. I am honored and humbled and grateful for these much-needed (and longed for) changes. Parts of me that have been dormant for a long, long time are re-emerging to put the pieces of my whole self back together. It is a dream come true and I am marveling at each wave of transformation.
June birthdays are the best! Mine is this Saturday. At 41, I feel I’m better now that I’ve ever been. Your 30’s will be great, dear Kelly. You can rest assured that they will lead you forward into wonderful days and years ahead.
With the new energy the Universe has bestowed upon me, I’ve already won two things this past week 🙂 Perhaps a lovely treasure from you will be the third!
I now feel guilty for causing some of that anxiety and embarrassment! You shouldn’t be, though, as you have certainly shown that you are as real as I am and given me a bit of inspiration thru your own story to actually think about my own and have even given me the courage to share bits my own story with someone else to create those new beginnings. Vulnerability is such a humble emotion and comes from such a raw, gentle place. I hope you continue to share and by writing your book, doing your giveaways, and putting your own pieces of your heart out there on your stunning art, as this is only your way of reaching out and pulling me in for a hug. The kind of squeeze that says, we’re all here to share a journey & I’m glad you’re here with me. I thank you for that.
I love your honesty and i find your artwork very inspiring! Thanks!
I too feel the cheeks flush when people tell me they read my blog, I think because there are days when it feels more personal than others and that I leave those entires(posts) as is. Keeping it real, so to speak, that is the beauty of blogs. kt
Kelly, I am so pleased you have shared your journey with us! I am growing in courage from your sharing.. I often find myself saying ‘yes! I feel like that too’ and sometimes I didn’t even realize I felt like that till you said it! thank you, thank you!
I think it is great to look back on your posts and I often like to go to the beginnings of a blog to see how they have progressed and feel there is hope for the rest of us!
This post reminds me of that saying that goes something like a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Beginnings are beautiful things and always lead us to where we are now. I think the stumbles are important.
Lovely gal,
Your journey has comforted and inspired me every step of the way. Your gentle stumblings towards the best parts of your self have opened up a world of possibilities for me.
And may I say that Australia will always be here, ready to receive you on your own terms!
Keep on keeping on, exactly as you are.
Much love,
Kat from Melbourne
Your honesty is a wonderful lesson for your readers and a blessing for us all. I hope it never changes.
I love visiting your blog its so interesting to read the journey that you as an artist have 🙂 thank you for sharing 😀
I, too, was insecure at first-blogging away, not quite sure what to write. When I look at the profile views, which aren’t many-I think OMG that many people have been here and read my stuff??? And I just want to run somewhere and hide. I admire you for writing about how it felt for you, in the beginning.
i just love that you have your story recorded…there is treasure in that to be sure! xo
YOU ROCK!
thank you for sharing your art and talent! I am always inspired when I stop by.
We all start somewhere, and you spell it out so nicely how it feels to be learning to fly! I can relate as I am sure most of your readers can. I appreciate your honesty about vulnerability – it makes my vulnerability not seem so alien. Thanks!
Your honesty on your blog helps us all; believe me! Thanks for sharing your process, ups and downs with us. Not everyone is as brave as you.
photo of paintsbrushes is wonderful. thanks for sharing your journey. part of the journey is enjoying where you are on the way to where you are going……
blessings,
pam
Thank you so much for sharing yourself with all of us…your thoughts and emotions are so pure!
You inspire me to keep trying to move toward the “new beginning”.
Thank you!
I wouldn’t be embarassed at all about your early work Kelly! Its always been beautful and the evolution of your style is amazing. Its been such a joy to watch it unfold. And yes, I know I already own your stuff but I want the chance to vin another- this time for my new office! (just got one right by the beauttiful rose garden in an old historic building! very psyched! and it needs Kelly art in there! ) btw, who is the artist who did that white bird that was on your mom’s wall?