i have so much to share…so much zooming inside my thoughts. i made the long trip home to florida to see my family, specifically to celebrate greggie’s (as i affectionately call my stepdad, greg) retirement. i was a little worried about making the trip alone (john had to stay behind for school), but i can’t tell you the peace i felt when i snapped this photo. i had been having some anxiety leading up to this trip: what if the plane crashes and i die alone, i wondered. (i’ve had a major fear of flying ever since our plane was hit by lightening in the dead of nite many years ago as we traveled across the country in route to our wedding. the plane was fine, but i never really got over the initial terror of seeing the lightening actually strike our plane, the booming sound it made, the way the plane stumbled a little bit, the smell of burning metal, and the very real and immediate thoughts of thinking we were for sure going to die.).
i had also been having some anxiety about traveling all the way home to a place i don’t go very often, where memories loom and take me back, sometimes to an old self i’d rather not visit. it’s hard sometimes to feel all grown up, like the grounded woman i am today, inside the walls that housed my awkward, growing up years. but as i sat on the plane, watching the sun set high above the clouds, i felt totally inspired. peaceful – without any of the pressure i had feeling in my chest leading up to this moment. i don’t know why, but sitting on a plane always makes me feel hopeful and free, even when i resist ever getting up in that brilliant sky.
when i landed, this is where i arrived – my parent’s gorgeous little bungalow with the purple door. inside is a treasure trove of inspiration. art on the walls. funky decor. color everywhere. and unique ideas in every details. i can’t wait to show you photos of this house, where my mom’s talent of design and decor live in every room. as i walk inside the door, my mom gives me her little tour of all that’s changed. she shows me the new paint in kitchen, the new arrangement of furniture in the office, the latest (and cutest) creation to be born from her hands in her studio. as she continues, i chuckle to myself at how much i am just like her: i also love to show visitors these sorts of things, the little collection of details that make me me. i got it from my mom. she’s taught me the importance of surrounding ourselves with things that bring beauty – not necessarily material things – but treasures that hold meaning in our life, images that comfort us, color that brings life. it’s all important.
driving around town today, i felt the memories taking hold: how my bff gina (whose driving down tomorrow from georgia) and i would get off the schoolbus in the 7th grade and proceed to the nearest, grassiest lawn to do round-offs and back handsprings together. how, in later years, i would spend every single friday and saturday nite at Einstein’s, an all ages club that was the hang out for all the goth kids, the indie kids, the music brats, the creative types of our age. it was heaven. memories of who i was, how i was, how i’ve changed have me in grips right now the way that traveling 3000 miles home does. life is so fascinating, no?
inside all of it, this is what i feel: really happy and full. i’m glad to be home. i was in a bit of funk last week and now i’m here in 95 degree weather and humidity, wrapped in frenetic conversation with my mom, planning a big retirement party, making appts for haircuts, massages, friend dates, and more. i do miss my man, but it’s all good. i think i need to make this trip home alone.