roberta, wherever you are, thank you so much for capturing a few images of my first class at art+soul last week. here i am demo-ing on the first day – such fun for me. i took lots of photos of every student that day (their works were incredible, i swear), but my camera battery died for my second class later that week (they too made amazing works). i couldn’t bear posting images from only one class….so please accept my apologies for not posting any photos of these dear dear students…i can’t believe that happened. if you were in either of these classes, feel free to comment in this post with links to your projects and blogs (that would be lovely).
speaking of teaching…guess what? i’ll be teaching at the art nest in february, 2009. you have no idea how thrilled in am for this retreat. the snow. the cabin. utah. 25 souls creating together. fire places. cozy spaces. yummy food. oh my. do i really live inside this life? wow. please consider joining us…it will be so dreamy (mati and jane will be teaching as well). all the details can be found here. registration opens oct 18th (next week!) and will likely sell out fast…so get ready and follow your creative bliss to utah!
and one more thing. you guys. oh my. the little sale i hosted this morning…wow. almost 20 paintings sold in 8 minutes. again, do i really live inside this life? who am i to be selling paintings at lightening speed (thank you so, so much)? i have been feeling so discombobulated lately. as this dream life unfolds, i’m realizing that the foundation has been set with a lot of hard work and now the dream is self propelling…that i don’t really have control of it anymore. and i wonder if this is actually a good thing as i struggle to give way to the ride. and the ride? i have no words – it’s every emotion in a span of a few days, sometimes in a 24 hour period. i am feeling things very deeply these days…both in gratitude and struggle…which can be confusing and exhausting. it’s enough to make me wonder if i’m truly ok, if i deserve all of this, if i’m strong enough to navigate the waters of all of this energy coming toward me: heartfelt emails, teaching requests, writing requests, travel, speaking engagements, art requests, not to mention my dear family and friends who i worry may be feeling neglected as i figure all of this out. oh my.
the hard truth is that i am insanely thankful (and really wouldn’t change a thing) but i’m also struggling with structuring it all inside of a typical week/life that still leaves me whole and intact and nourished and %100 still me at the end of that week/life. i’m afraid i’m losing a bit of the things i need to reclaim – small but important things like eating well, stretching/yoga, bike riding, reading, even keeping up with my friends on the phone and gift giving. and the worst part? all of this friction i feel living a pretty awesome life leaves me feeling a tad shameful for even mentioning the mere whispers of struggle. in the end, i suppose i’m still learning how to be brave in sadness, brave in love. i’m trying hard to acknowledge that my creative dreams have indeed taken flight, that i’m in love with my life, but in the same breath, i’m on an emotional roller coaster that seems to be circling my heart lately, waiting for a safe place to land. i want to be really honest about this life, how it feels, how contradictory and heavy it can be, how mysterious and perfect it can be, while also celebrating its gifts of pure spirit and joy. it all matters. and it’s all real.
prior to 4 weeks ago, i had never released a book before. never taught before. never given a speech before. never booked a ticket to italy to teach before. never agreed to more 2009 teaching and speaking before. never missed my husband so much before. never wished for a real home and stability so much before. never knew i could do it before. never knew of my capability and strength inside a heart of tender, tender spots before. i’m learning and leaning into it all…
how are you? are you also feeling it all deeply? exhausted and joyful and struggling and thankful and full of life and love all at once, too? god, i hope so 🙂