From The Archives is a series where I look back at posts and artwork from long ago. There’s 8 years of blog
content here in my virtual home. Hundreds of posts & thousands of photos. Lots & lots
of love. For me, looking back is a thoughtful way to lean into how far we’ve traveled, how the lessons still ring true, how old insights and wisdom become new again.
Written just five years ago, I write about the beginnings of becoming a Possibilitarian.
I wrote this post before my book was released, before I had products in the world, yet during a pivotal moment in my life when I was really (finally) beginning to create a vision for what could happen/change/manifest/evolve if I stepped into the big wide world of possibility.
I wrote this post
six years ago when I was beginning to discover how embracing my own vulnerabilities
was leading to the unexpected feelings of empowerment. Although my writing voice has changed a bit since then, I so appreciate this younger version of myself’s sincere truth. She was putting it all out there without hesitation. I admire that. What I wrote about remains the same, except that I will say that choosing to live in a vulnerable place has become harder since I’ve become a mama. I find motherhood to be a giant practice (for me) of keeping my heart wide open when sometimes I want to run and hide. It takes a lot of courage (and practice) to live with the brand of vulnerability that involves having your heart, your child, exposed to the big wide world where so much can go wrong. It’s a practice for me to see if from the angle of “where so much can go right”. This has been my vulnerability practice as of late. I know I’m not alone!
(This painting from four years ago eventually evolved into this painting
that is available in the shop
Four years ago, I wrote this post
about feeling the intense pressure of it all. At the time, my gift line had exploded into the national market. My book was doing very well. I had yearly contracts to write monthly articles for magazines like Cloth, Paper, Scissors
. I was being asked to teach everywhere (Australia! UK! East Coast! West Coast!). My etsy shop was on fire and I was selling originals at juried art shows. My art biz, which was in its infancy, was spinning with activity, chaos, success. Oh yeah, and I was still in my first year of working full time as an artist.
I was in a moment in time, I now see and understand, that won’t ever happen again. I was at the beginnings of big journey, perhaps one of the biggest of my entire life (we shall see!).
There was a ton of attention coming my way yet I was such a newbie to how to conduct myself, hold boundaries, and navigate the sheer magnitude of what was happening in my life and how I was changing along with it. Looking back, I can see now how lonely it felt at times yet how exhilarating it all felt, every single day. I was creating an entirely new life. Which can leave one feeling a little adrift and lost from time to time. I’ve since learned that I’m quite sensitive. And introverted! And I just needed some time to adjust and feel my way through the sheer force of the momentum of my life at the time. That, and I needed to learn the art of boundaries – major freedom in boundaries.
This is one of my earliest paintings, ever. In the original blog post where I shared it in 2007, I wrote the following:
“When I think back on this past year, I’ve grown more into myself, more
appreciative, more purposeful. I now know the direction I want my life
to go, and that just brings with it so much peace.”
All these years later, I’m just incredilby grateful for the vision that my 32 year old self had for herself. Humble and grateful.
How about you? Looking back, can you see how far you’ve come? Are you celebrating that journey? Or, are you in a season of your life where you’re visioning where you want to go? How is your inner Possibilitarian leading the way? I’m celebrating, right alongside you, no matter where you are on the path. It all matters.