(i love it when i find a flower sprouting up from an everyday sidewalk crack. it always makes me wonder about what beauty is sprouting in the cracks of our hearts.)
a beloved friend saw me clearly from so many miles away when she sent me a sweet note: “you have been one of my sweetest gifts this year…and i think about all that love and all the ways you have held your heart together and let it fall apart.”
last nite, when i suffered my way through a rare case of insomnia, i thought about these words and how blessed i am to be surrounded by such heart. such understanding. such grace. i thought about how important it is to share how we feel about one another, to let those close to us know they are treasured souls in our lives. most of all, i thought about how i could do a better job of this in my own life.
today, all tired and dazed, i was flooded with childhood memories as i unexpectedly found myself in the center of the rural florida town i grew up in. my head + heart have very much been tangled up in memories of my past these last couple of weeks so to find myself completely unexpectedly in the center of my childhood town seemed tricky, like the universe wanted me to see and to feel. at one point, we stopped to visit the once vibrant lakeside park where my sister and i spent summers swimming and frolicking about. today, the now worn out buildings and neglected grounds had me thinking about how fragile we all are. how the most important people in our childhoods disappear from our everyday lives. how our years age us, and how all of that can be beautifully raw if we’re willing to see it clearly. i thought about how hard it is to let the tears rush in sometimes – the release of all that we’ve seen, celebrated, endured. at the end of the day, it was a gift to stop and see this piece of my youth. to acknowledge all that went down in that little town…love, adventure, loss, youth, and so much life. my family is buried there, but very much alive in my heart.
(john with his beloved grandfather, at our wedding so many years ago)
all of this big life stuff was webbing it’s way all over my thoughts when i watched john spend some time with his beloved grandfather later in the day. and i dunno. there is such tenderness between the two, such mutual respect and understanding, that it makes me ache for both of them. when it came time to leave, john asked for a second hug. he just loves this man so much, he didn’t want to go. it all made me weepy in my heart – how love matters most of all and how sometimes we just can’t get enough. john gets all of this. he understands it perfectly. and so he asked for a second hug. having spent many of the last few days in remembrance of life and loss, i just beamed at this moment.
a second hug. of course. it’s the only way.
hoping you all are well during this beloved christmas week. and that you all are asking for second hugs 🙂