(it’s still snowing)
i am feeling very tender. tears have been arriving easily and for all sorts of reasons. christmas is always a tender time for me. i lost a very special person in my life over christmas break many years ago and the grief still surfaces, so many years later (i’ve written about it here). i suppose between all the activity of the last several months paired with the move, i am a bit out of sorts and extra sensitive. i’m very much looking forward to heading out of town for the holidays. i think the time with our families will be really good and grounding. then, when we return in january, i’m looking forward to painting, painting, painting, and exploring seattle. that’s on my list. and that’s it. earlier today, a friend asked me what my word will be for 2009 and i immediately thought ‘rest will be my word.’ and to me, rest means studio time, exploring, catching up on letters, gifts, and time with my man.
for those of you who are like me. tender hearted during the holidays, easily shaken by loss, the memory of childhood grief, or changed forever by an instance that can never be undone. i wish you a kind of peace that leaves your soul untangled, even if just for a moment. and i wish for you what i’m wishing for myself – a quiet hush of healing that recognizes a cracked open heart. a healing that deeply understands pain and releases it all into the wild of forgiveness. and a healing that gently believes that although it all matters, we can move forward with wisdom + grace. as i’m so often reminded, we really can be brave in sadness, brave in love.
my heart feels tender this week. but i know it’ll heal. it’s just where i am. the ebb and flow of life. it’s sneaky, isn’t it?
I have been doing really good holding it all in and keeping the broken pieces somehow delicately together and then I read this. For right now I’m a little less of a big, brave girl but knowing there are others that feel a little more deeply and love a little more tenderly makes it a little less scary. I wish the same for you Kelly Rae, I hope all of your hurts are tended to and that healing comes quickly.
Praying for peace for you… I lost someone I loved dearly at Christmas time 22 years ago and still ache at this season. Take care.
I hope you have a peaceful Christmas and a restful new year. I, too, find the holidays to be a tender time of the year.