these polaroids taken by friend hula
have been a seriously treasured gift. the shot above was my first pregnancy shot taken by someone else – taken a couple of weeks ago on the oregon coast. i’m a huge fan of hula’s work and it was such a generous treat to be photographed by her. she has such a raw talent for capturing mood and light and sentiment and she does it all in this really unique artful/designer way. i just love it. and i simply adore her
as i mentioned in an earlier blog post, it was during this gathering for a few days on the oregon coast with some dear friends that i really began to feel deeply centered in my pregnancy. it was when my heart really broke open to the nurturing it needed. and it was when i became aware of the grace and sisterhood that pregnancy/motherhood brings. that awareness was sheltered in with the unspoken and spoken gifts of community and women and blessings and conversation and moments of silence in between. sometimes it’s simply in the quiet presence of bearing witness that transformation happens.
when the above photo developed, i was awestruck. the two lights – one in the center of my chest and the other in the center of my belly – felt like rare magical gifts captured in one very special still moment. to me, it was evidence of light, of connection, of god, of two spirits intertwining into an adventure of untold love. i will cherish this photo for the rest of my days (thank you, hula).
and then there was this photo hula took capturing one of my bffs (mati rose
) working her artsy script magic on my belly. another photo i will cherish always…
“your body is your sanctuary. dwell there, and soak in the miracle of you becoming true love for a boy who loved you before he was born” – words given to me by dear friend jen lemen
(a word whisperer, she is)
when i think about the heart and soul journey that we all take toward motherhood (whether it’s via pregnancy, adoption, or never having children at all yet being a mother to a dear soul/friend who needs mothering), i can’t help but know that every tiny moment we’ve ever experienced gifts us with the preparation we need to be ready. i love the idea that our unique lives and experiences not only prepare us to love our babies in the way that only they need, but also in the way we need to love ourselves – that the journey into motherhood also directly addresses and acknowledges the experiences inside of us that need to be seen, healed. i can already tell through pregnancy alone, that my tender pieces are being nurtured in very specific ways while also being the very thing that makes me love this baby in specific ways. it’s giving and receiving and healing and loving and celebrating all at once. i keep reminding myself of this truth when i get anxious about all that is about to unfold – that there’s nothing i can do or get to be ready, but just by grace itself, by life and truth and faith itself, by every moment that brought me here itself, i am ready. we are ready. i deeply believe our baby boy was meant for us, and us for him.
thank you to my friends and to my family and to all you out there who have sheltered me into this new knowing and new space with photos, with stories, with wisdom, with your silence and witnessing in between. it’s been remarkable in every way.