i am leaving tomorrow morning for ArtFest 2007. finally, it’s here. as i sit here thinking about the journey i’m about to take, i have so, so much to say. as my thoughts are scrambling with possibility and hope for this experience, i thought i would take a look back on what i wrote last year leading up to ArtFest 2006 (my first time going).
a few weeks before i even knew what artfest was & before i signed up to go i wrote:
“do you ever have that feeling that you are just going to bust at the seams with happiness, anticipation, and inspiration? like you are on the edge of something great? like you are about to make a grand discovery? and that it just might be inside of you, in your heart, in your hands, in your vision? i am feeling like that right now and i am going to pay attention to it this time.”
while driving to artfest:
“i had a sense, from the pit of my stomach, that this trip was going to change everything. i was incredibly nervous, but with a hope so big, bigger than me. it made me tearful as i melted into the vision of my very own possibilities. I was on my way, in a very big way. “
thoughts once I had returned home:
“i am sitting here trying to find my way through my thoughts. they’re swirling around, spinning, dancing, like little happy spirits. they’re overly excited, refusing to settle. they’re suffering from happiness exhaustion and let me tell you, it feels pure and sweet like nothing i’ve known before. i still can’t get over my artfest experience. part of me hopes i never will. “
“i drove home sunday, in a happiness daze, trying to process everything. just me and my thoughts. it’s funny how you can be changed so much in just 5 days, but when you arrive home, nothing has changed at all. same apartment. same job. same chores waiting for me. it’s as if it were all a wonderful dream. it was wonderful to sink into bed that nite, with john next to me. oh how i missed him and my dog. as i fell asleep, home from my journey, i knew the real journey had just begun.”
“i was emotional, the happy kind, the entire trip. mainly because i knew i had found my community. “
a few weeks after artfest 2006:
“since then, my perspective, my routine, my vision for my life, my relationships, have all shifted because what i was feeling back then [inspiration] kept a deep hold on my heart and continues to lead me, in more ways than i can express, back to myself.”
reading back on these thoughts, i can feel the flutter, the nervousness, the energy rise inside of me. nothing in my life had ever affected me so much as the discovery of artmaking & inspiration. i started painting just before artfest last year, but really artfest was the stamp, the exclamation point to what i had been feeling on the inside. it was that moment or event we sometimes have in our lives that gives us cause to change direction. and change is indeed what happened. since then, i have felt a sense of bloom, of awakening, of renewal. not just in my art, but in my Person. it’s comes hand in hand. i am not the same. i don’t want to be the same ever again. my perspective on everthing from my marriage to how i clean (or don’t clean) the house has been shifted. i’ve relaxed a bit. i’ve been more oblivious in ways that make me seem downright silly (and sometimes flakey) and i like it. the small & petty burdens have been released. and of course there have been big changes, like starting on the path of a creative life, painting a lot, doing art shows, and trying very hard to actually make a living out of what i love to do. it’s been amazing.
so, artfest for me is an anniversary of sorts. of that awakening, of my new beginning, really of all that i have now, and of who i have become and am becoming. it represents so much…all that has happened in such a short amount of time. i could not be more blessed.
gratitude pretty much takes up all the space in my heart these days.
i’ll return in one week with stories to tell, photos to share, and i’m pretty sure i’ll sound just as dramatic as i’m sounding right now. oh well. dramatic it is.